The Demon's Are Back

Severe pain will make a person do some very crazy things. I have heard of people killing themselves because they could not handle the pain. When I first started this blog I was racked with extreme emotional pain. What is the difference? Physical pain, at the beginning, can be controlled by narcotics, if the pain is severe enough. Emotional or psychological pain cannot be alleviated by any drug. During my early years while I was in the Air Force working as a medic in a hospital. I met a man that would change my life, forever. If you have read my earlier blogs, then, you know the whole story. If you have not, I strongly suggest that you do so. It will give you the springboard into my years of insanity. If you have no idea what I am talking about I will give you a short look into my past. When I was 19 years old, I met a man that would haunt me for the next 30 years. The reason? I took his life. The colonel was a great friend that was dying of inoperable cancer. A cancer that proved to not respond to any treatment. After watching him waste away to 80 pounds and a shell of what he once was, he came to me and asked me to end this suffering for him. It was a very hard decision for me to grapple with. I wanted to be a doctor and killing your patient was not apart of becoming a doctor. He was a smart man, a retired fighter pilot, and manipulated me,a kid, into doing what he wanted. So, I did it. I won't go into the specifics, you can read about all that in my earlier blog posts. The demon I am suffering with, today,is one not much different than the one before. Here is what is happening.
  In 2006, I had a spinal fusion surgery because of a degenerative disc disease. My L-5 vertebrae had dropped so far down that it interfered with my nerves that ran down my leg. Five months after the insertion of surgical screws, rods, and bone grafts that were supposed to keep the L-5 vertebrae in place actually worked. Until 5 months after the surgery. Unfortunately for me, a titanium screw broke causing the neurosurgeon to go back in and remove all the hardware that was put in to correct the problem. Every since I have been taking morphine sulphate to deal with the pain. Now, five years later, I am at a point where the pain meds do not work, I am in constant excruciating pain, I am totally limited to what I can do. The result; The Demon is back. He is trying to convince me to follow the colonel's path. I know I could end the pain in a second. I have been trying to get the VA to do the surgery, but to no avail. I have found a surgeon that will take medicare and do the surgery but I will have to come up with the 20% medicare will not cover. I have has this blog for 5 years and have made $10 dollars in google adsense advertising. That is a scam. All I am asking from my readers is to donate so I can have the surgery. I have been getting 300 hits/day and if my readers would like to help, please donate on my blog. You can save my life. Thank you, theblogmeister

Positive Energy

It came come in many ways. It may be self-induced, it may come from someone that really cares about your well being, even from bad things that have happened to someone else. Whatever the route, it is essential in maintaining a good self esteem. I have a younger brother that has done for me more than he will ever realize. The one thing that he used to say to me when shit crumbled around me was this, "Do good and good things will happen to you." It is a simple statement that carries a lot of weight. It is another way of saying what most of us learned as a child, "The Golden Rule." "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I remember learning it in Vacation Bible School. You may have learned it in some other fashion. My brother was persistent in reminding me of this simple, yet, powerful statement. The problems that I have faced over three decades had only created more problems. When I found that narcotics alleviated my mental as well as physical pain, I abused it to the point of deaths door. Then I would hear those words that my brother used to say to me, Do good and good things will happen. It took a long time for me to live those words. Well, I have been doing good and good things have been happening. No, great things. So, I want to take this time to tell my brother that he is the main reason of the good in my life. He did it out of love and I want to tell him that I was listening. It may not have seemed like I was, but I heard those powerful words. Now, I want to say thank you. Thanks for the belief in me and especially for those nine words. I love you, Bro theblogmeister

Night Train

For the past 30+ years,less the past 7, I have been caught on a night train that had topped Donner Pass, on the border of California and Nevada, and began to pick up speed that nothing could slow it down. I tried 12-step meetings, self help books, you name it, I have probably tried it. The reason I was ruining my life can be contributed to one thing; PAIN. At first it was mental pain. The pain and guilt of reliving the day that I ended a man's life. There was not a day, or night, that those memories would fail to resurface. The toughest thing that I ever dealt with was the nightmares, night after night. Then, it snowballed, just like that train topping Donner Pass. The speed that train gained is comparable to the speed in which my life began to unravel. It was not long and the most important thing to me was narcotics. Narcotics are good for relieving physical pain just as well as emotional pain. I had to have them because you see, those were my weapons to fight the demon that was haunting me. When I could not find drugs to buy I would go to the emergency room and pull a scam on the doctors. It is amazing to hear a doctor tell you that you had some cracked ribs and the only treatment was to manage the pain. There are a lot of ER doctors I could get them in a heap of trouble but that, I cannot do. I also will not reveal the scam for fear of others that are drug seeking may do what I perfected. I should have been an actor. I really had a blast "performing" my injury. It worked every time. I was even admitted into a hospitals ICU for the weekend. Shots every 4 hours. By that time the train was out of control. The only way to stop it would be a concrete wall. Others on the train tried everything they knew to get it to stop. Nothing. Everybody gave up on me and bailed. Here I was, knowing where I was headed, and I rode that train for a long time. Alone. I knew the day was coming when I would kiss the concrete and I chose to ride on. Then it happened. August 24th was when I kissed the concrete. The ride was over. I had survived. It is a miracle, too. They put me on a bus, not an ambulance, and drove me to Kilby Correctional Center in Montgomery, AL. to begin serving a 20 year sentence. I hit it, hard. The main thing out of it all, I lived through the runaway night train. I am still living, just a day at a time, now. I will not get back on the night train. Please donate what you can. Thanks for listening. theblogmeister

The Demon Lives

I have had a relatively quiet couple weeks until last night. Something woke me up in the middle of the night. I could not put my finger on what exactly it was. I do not remember a loud noise that usually is the reason for these late night awakenings. I sat there a few minutes to get my bearings. When I stood up it felt as if I was standing on the deck of a ship tossing at sea. I reached out to hold onto the bed to keep from falling. I thought for a minute that we were having an earthquake. The tossing lasted only 30 or 40 seconds but seemed a lot longer. My next guess was the colonel. I had not had any problems with him in a while. The house was dark but seemed to be illuminated by a strange light. I had no problem making my way through the house, I could see perfectly. That is when I heard a low deep voice. The same voice I remember over 30 years ago. It was the colonel. I could not make out what he was saying. It was odd that he would speak at all after the last time he spoke to me. I tried to find out where the voice was coming from. It was a constant moan like he used to do when he was my patient and was in a lot of pain. I walked into the den and the moan sounded like it was coming from where I was just standing. He is fucking with me, again. I walked the whole house and the moan always seemed to come from a room away. To hell with this, I am going back to bed, I decided. As I crawled in bed and closed my eyes the moan came from my bedside and it was so loud it scared the shit out of me. I jumped up and yelled, "Leave me alone!" For a second it was quiet and then the sound of laughter. I lay back down with laughter all around me. I finally dozed off and after waking up I asked Lorri if she heard anything that was strange last night. She heard nothing. theblogmeister

Demons: An Historical Look

Demons are spirits that act malevolently against human beings. The Bible makes repeated mention of evil spirits (Lev. 16: 10; I Sam. 16:14-16; Isa. 34:14), including satyrs and night demons, but does not provide a great deal of detail. More elaborate stories about demons appear during the Greco-Roman period.
The existence of demons, while widely accepted, has always presented a theological difficulty. Since all things are ultimately the creation of the one God, the question of why should evil spirits exist has greatly exercised Jewish thought. Apocalyptic literature offers the first attempt to explain their existence in a monotheistic context by claiming demons are really fallen angels. Rabbinic literature provides the first extensive source for Jewish demonology, though the information is scattered though many sources. In it, several explanations for the existence of demons are offered. They are a creation of the twilight of the sixth day (Pirkei Avot 5.6). Abraham ibn Ezra described demons as a product of the interaction of sunlight with smoke and vapor which then clings to the body, causing illness (Sefer ha-Atzmim).
Demons cannot procreate on their own, so they used semen from Adam in order to make more of their own kind (B.T. Ervuin 18b; Zohar). An elaboration on this tradition is that Lilith, the first woman, having transformed herself into a witch-demon using the Tetragrammaton, takes the nocturnal emissions of men she seduces to procreate more demons (Alef-Bet ben Sira). In kabbalistic thought the demonic is a necessary part of creation, a product of the sitra achra, the "other side" of the divine emanations in the material universe.
Demons occupy an intermediate place between mortals and angels. According to Chagigah 16a, they resemble angels in three ways: They have wings, they can fly throughout the universe, and they hear what transpires in heaven. They also resemble mortals in that they procreate, eat, and die. They are always invisible, except under special conditions.
The malevolent effects of demons are many: they cause illness and death, especially for the vulnerable (children, women in childbirth); they trouble and deceive the mind, and cause contention in the community of mortals.
Tractate Berachot has perhaps the most information on demons of any part of the Talmud. There we learn that demons tend to dwell in the wilderness, in ruins, and in other places not by frequented by people (Isa. 13:21). It also describes a "diagnostic" ritual for detecting the presence of the demonic: Ashes spread around one's bed at nighttime will reveal demon tracks in the morning, and demons can be rendered visible by grinding up the ashes of a black cat's afterbirth and then sprinkle the powder in one's eyes.
The appearance of demons varies, but is always terrible. In keeping with Ancient Near Eastern beliefs about evil spirits, demons have bird talons for feet in addition to wings. At night, demons can appear in human form (Meg. 3a).
Demonic power waxes and wanes according to the time of day, the week, the seasons, meteorological conditions, topographical features, and other natural factors (Yalkut Chadash, Keshafim 56; Numbers R. 12:3; Pes. 3a-b, 112a; Shab. 67a). The informed can use this information to minimize their threat.
Around human habitations, they frequent rooftops, outhouses, and drainage gutters. Strangely, demonic forces are attracted to synagogues. The Angel of Death, for example, is said to keep his tools there. Stories of Sages doing night battles with demons in the synagogue appear in Jewish tales across time.
Prominent demons have names, usually derived from their particular power; Reshef, for example, means "pestilence." Some demons, like Samael, have theophonic names, like angels. Occasionally demons can have surprisingly mundane names, like "Joseph." The name Lilith means either "air" (Akkadian) or "night" (Hebrew) and has its roots in Mesopotamian aerial spirits called "lilu."
Reciting certain psalms has an atropopaic effect against evil spirits (Pss. 29: 91; 121), as do other key verses of Scripture (Num. 7:4-6). Magical phrases have also been recorded to combat their malevolent effects (Pes. 100a; 112a). The bells on the skirt of the High Priest evidently drove them away. Drinking water only from white containers turns away night demons (Pesachim 3a). Bercahot 5a credits ritual objects such as mezuzah, tefillin, and ritual fringes with warding off evil spirits. The Jews of Mesopotamia additionally protected their homes with Demon Bowls and Incantation Bowls. Temporary protection can be gotten through the use of magic circles. Amulets of near infinite variety have been created across Jewish history. Demons can be bribed with food or money, or frightened off with shofar blasts, unpleasant smells, or spitting. Guardian angels are the best defense, and are acquired every time one performs a mitzvah (Ex. R. 32).
Intriguingly, a mortal can work beneficently with demons, if one knows the rituals of power to control them. Asmodeus, the king of Demons, was co-opted by Solomon to good ends. Demons can be turned against other demons (Lev. R. 24). Sometimes the demon will do so willingly (Pes. 106a), but usually this involves controlling the demons magically and forcing the captured spirit to do the will of the adept. R. Eliezer of Metz (12th Century), permitted the use of demons in spells and amulets, writing, "Invoking the demons to do one's will is permitted" for what difference is there between invoking demons and angels?" At the same time, anything that smacks of demon veneration or worship, such as making offerings or burning incense to a demon, is expressly forbidden (Sanh. 65b). Another study on demons. What do you believe? theblogmeister

Demons and Angels

I have had my share with evil and I believe that it if it is not of God it is evil. I have been terrorized for over 30 years by a specific demon. God will not instill fear and torment into our lives. That is why I believe my encounter is with a demon. So, The only way to figure this one out is to gain knowledge. What is the demon's purpose on this earth? What powers does he have? The only way to answer these questions is to research the demon, find his beginnings, and what exactly he is capable of doing. I am being punished for a horrible act against God but does the punishment involve demons? This is only a part of what I have found, more to come, later.
Nearly every culture that has been recorded in the history of mankind has had some form or variation of demonic belief. Today the most widely recognized aspects of demonology are derived from Judaic, Christian and Catholic sources. Many archaic stereotypes presented within these religions, as well as the prolific historical inaccuracies long associated with fictional print and media, persist in spite of evidence to the contrary.
Most people today imagine short horns, leathery bat-like wings, long pointy tails and menacing pitchforks to be the common accepted image of demons in general, and Satan in specific. However, this is a far cry from how demons were presented in the past.
Initially, in many of the most ancient cultures of the past, demons were seen as having the capacity for both good and evil. The origin of the word demon, in fact, may have come from Indo-European sources and simply meant 'Celestial Body'.
There has often been confusion when regarding Devils and Demons in many Orthodox traditions. A Devil is an entity who usually fights a goodly and divine authority for control of existence. Many such battles will be settled in an 'End of Time' scenario where the forces of good vanquish the forces of evil.
Demons are much like Angels in that they are lesser beings who are usually under the authority of the prevailing Devil. They are always malevolent in nature, and seek to torment humans with their dark and wicked ways. The means by which they wreak havoc are threefold:

#1: In spiritual form they whisper evil thoughts into a person's mind, trying to corrupt them to do wrong.

#2: In spiritual form they restlessly wander the earth and torment others with their mere appearance.

#3: They actually possess someone and control their actions, usually causing them to harm others, or at the very least, themselves. This is called 'Possession', and even today it wreaks fear in many just by even mentioning it.
Another thing that is usually representative of demons in nearly every culture; they are usually grotesque in appearance, and more than likely half animal at least.
Perhaps one of the greater influences in restoring interest in demons and their study in the mid-20th century was Anton LaVey, the author of the Satanic Bible and the founder of the Church of Satan. LaVey believed that Christianity was a repressed religion, and the true power of Satanic belief was the lack of limits imposed on the believer. LaVey believed that man ought to have the supreme choice over his life, not a God, or any god.
Damned by the gods; feared by man; demons have made their home on earth, and they're here to stay. It seems that I am in a fight for my spiritual sanity. theblogmeister

Confusion Rules

It seemed that every time that I do not write much about the colonel is when he is most active and angry. I have not spent much time writing about him. I spent several hours writing about the difficulties we are having. My wife and I. The Colonel must be jealous that he is not getting my undivided attention. He is in my dimension. I can smell him, the stench of death. An hour or so ago I went through the house to make sure the doors are locked and the lights off. As I made my way towards the bathroom the light was on. I distinctly remembering turning out the lights, except for the TV. Oh yea, I can feel his presence. He is among us. He is not through playing tricks on us, either. I turned the bathroom light off. I will have to walk around to see what else he does.As I was turning around I heard the sounds of a television. It was very faint but I knew exactly that the noise was. My colonel has turned on my television in the front room. He thinks all this is a game, I reached over and turn the TV back off. We have a screened in back porch and spend a lot of time out there because we don't smoke in the house. This is where most of things moving can be seen. My wife will not stay out here I have had tools raising in the air. I have seen shadows of him. Right now, I am going to crawl in bed with my wife.

The Hard Truth

I also believe that man could be evil and could wreak havoc to the likes you had never seen. I am a believer but I am confused what happened to those we do not know. My wife and I have been marriade for about 8 years. When we met, her children were grown, so was mine. She started coming to my house to take me to hers. We hit it off, immediately. Not long after we got together we started truck driving school. We got our CDL's, and after 6 weeks we left our trainer and got our own truck. We worked tpgether for about 2 years and my wife had to leave the truck for medical reasons, fibromyalgia. I worked for a couple years riding solo. Then I started have severe pain in my lower leg I hade to have a spinal fusion surgery. My wife just receive her social security disability and I only get half of my ss disability because my ex-wife gets almost half for back child support. That is not a problem. Both incomes were just over the limit my wife and I we are unable for them to, grant us Medicaid. We made $80 dolloars over the threshhold, so, I have to find a way to have my epidural injections. I went to the doctor, today, and I had to pay more that I was not used to paying. My office visit was $13 dollars. That is every other month. To get my epidural injection every other month I must pay a bill of $150. We are regular poeple who are having a hard time. I have had this blog since 2008. Please do not think that we are panhandling. We just need your help If you can donate, please. Thank you and God Bless Thanks, theblogmeister

Where Is The Evil?

If you believe in God then you must believe in Satan. For every action there is a reaction. Do you remember that statement? You must understand that at one time Lucifer was one of God's most trusted angels. Greed got the better of him and he wanted to be above God. What did God do? He cast Lucifer and a third of his following to earth. Where are they, now? In the beginning earth was a beautiful place and when God cast down Lucifer and his angels what was the one thing that God had created that Satan could want to ruin? Man had not been created, yet. The Bible states, "and the earth became without form and void." Earth was the only thing, at that time, that Satan could get back at God for kicking him out of Heaven. I do not believe this is the same earth that God had created for man. Satan changed it. Then when man was created God instructed Adam and Eve not to partake in the forbidden fruit. Guess who was there to change their minds? Yep, Satan. I believe every since the creation that Satan has not given up on changing God's plan. Why am I starting this post with this story? It proves to me that Satan and his angels still exist, today. It is Satan that convinces a young man to strap a vest made of high explosives and kill as many innocent men, women, and children as he possibly can. It is Satan that makes individuals fly a jet into the twin towers and kill thousands of innocent people. A man comes from God. Jesus, who was God manifested in the flesh, tells us to love our neighbor, not blow them up. What about the congresswomen from Arizona who was shot point blank in the forehead? Is that of God? No it is not. While the same angels that saved my Mother's life and comforted them after my brother died these are real. From what I have witnessed in the past several years Satan is not sitting back and doing nothing. He creeps into our lives through various means. To me, His favorite avenue to get to our youth is by using mood and mind altering substances. The number one is liquor and beer. Ethanol causes 50,000 deaths on our highway's. Most were impaired drivers on alcohol. Today, there are more youths drinking than ever before in our history. Now comes the drug many states have made legal. Marijuana, or Delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, the active ingredient that causes the effect if the cannabinoid plant. Over ten states has made pot legal for medicinal value, only. So, I have a very liberal views on medicinal marijuana. I do not believe the propaganda in the late 1920's to the early 1930's. No, God would not waste his time with weed. The real problem facing our youth is the doctors who are quick at writing narcotics and do not care the damage is to our youth. Oxycontin and Roxie's are the most danger to our future. Don't think about all over are wounded warriors are becoming addicted before the leave Afghanistan and come back to a living hell.Do you believe that our soldiers are coming back broken? The statistics are mind blowing. I do not have here,now.I will get you some. My point is,there are good people in this world who have to look out for the broken. The Rangers motto, "Rangers Lead The Way" and they never leave one behind. Thank you, theblogmeister please donate

Alternate Dimensions

The trouble that I am having is how two beings occupy one universe. I have been face to face with someone who had died decades, earlier. I cannot take at face value that there is ghosts and spirits that are able to occupy the same world. Is it possible for the dead to be in a different dimension? Theoretical physicists have proven there are alternate dimensions. Could the colonel be caught up in a dimension that runs parallel to ours? That is the $60 dollar question. So, if parallel dimensions exist then there has to be a way to communicate. Was Enoch, the son of Methuselah, able to cross a dimension without experiencing death? The Holy Bible states exactly so. If Enoch or Elijah, for that matter, was able to reach a parallel dimension then why is it so impossible to believe that we, as human, cannot communicate with those that have reached another dimension. I know what I dealt with when two of my family died and I was able to speak to them. I continue to have interactions with the dead; the colonel. I cannot rule out what the quantum physicist have documented. They are a hell of a lot smarter than me. Keep an open mind and do not judge us as crackpots. Jesus was called a crackpot and you all know the outcome of that story.
Now, I am not a physicist, far from it. I can’t do complicated math at all, but I can think and reason things out. OK, we are energy beings and once energy is created it can never be destroyed according to physics. This being the case then when we die, we have to go somewhere. I have heard people say there can not be a heaven, or a hell, or any other place like them as we have been into deep space and there is no sign of it. That may be but are we so arrogant as the dominate species to believe that all realms have to be identical to ours and all beings have to be just like us? Now what if there are energy forms in a parallel dimension that we are aware of. They come through to us but we cannot enter their dimension in our current human state as flesh and blood. So only as an energy form would we be able to enter? If the soul, being the life energy of the body, can inhabit the body until the body ceases to be able to contain it, next it is released in a pure energy form then it stands to reason that it would be able to go to places where a human body could not get into. It is like trying to physically squeeze an orange through a straw. It will not work until you get rid of the body and then the juice will go through the straw with no problems.
Do I believe there is a soul? Of course I do. How could I not? We are taught as little children that the human body is a machine. Every machine has to have an energy source to make it run. The human body breaks down, can be mended or repaired and put back into the world but when it has reached critical mass, it melts down and ceases to be. Now, if there was no such thing as a soul, or an energy source, then what could keep the body running forever? We can keep old machines going as long as we have the parts so why not a human body? We sure have enough parts to keep them going but once they die no matter what you do they are dead, gone and can’t be restarted…ever. Why is this? The energy source of the body is no longer there and it has nothing more to run on.
People scoff at aliens, the soul, ghosts and so forth but I have to wonder. Could ghosts actually be inter-dimensional beings? Perhaps we run across the barriers once in a while and there is a clash or meeting between the two realms? It would make sense if everything is in accordance to the “M” theory that there would be meetings like these of parallel universes or dimensions. The life forms in these dimensions may be just as shocked and terrified of other energy encounters as we are.
There may be another one of you, somewhere in another universe, dimension, time or space. That is not to say that the person is the same as you. There may be different laws there, different morals and judgment values. The “you” may look like you but not act or be governed by the same rules that you are here. Knowing that the universes actually do exist is amazing in itself but the things that happen in them can be unlimited. It sure can explain a lot of the things that we deem paranormal Then I have to wonder how to cross the barriers of these dimensions? I believe it can happen and may have happened a few times like with JR. Tolkien who claims the Lord of the Rings was written off something he had seen. He claims to have stepped into an alternative reality and witnessed these things. Many other people have claimed to cross into these other realities but it is not something which happens frequently. Could it be some type of energy flux that allows this to happen? A vortex maybe or a smashing of the membranes that allows a temporary access to these realms?

This is something which I am sure some of the greatest minds will be churning over for a long time. I have a bachelors in life but hey, like I said a physicist I am not. I am just someone here who has a trillion things going through their head. Trying to imagine what these universes may be like, what rules they have, what life forms govern them and if it is possible that at times we collide with them.

I am just trying to figure out what is happening to me and why I was given extraordinary powers when I was so young. It saved my Mother's life and later it allayed the fears of my parents when we lost a close family member. It is real, I just do not understand why or how it works. Thank you for being a part of my day. the blogmeister One other thing, I really need your donations for medical not mental reasons. If you have a dollar please donate. Thank you for your help in dealing with my spinal fusion issues. theblogmeister

The Unknown

I was raised in church while I was growing up. My Father was the music director and had a wealth of knowledge about the Bible. We were southern Baptist and did not follow the liberal Baptist who believed in speaking in tongues, jumping up and down and other weird things. I am not mocking any religion and do not try to force my beliefs on others. If you don't believe in it, don't do it, is my basic belief. During my early teens I became very interested in the teachings of Paul. What intrigued me was how Paul was converted from killing Christians to becoming the most prolific writer in the New Testament. I have a base belief and I believe that is why I am struggling so much with what is happening to me now and past episodes of terror filled dreams, nightmares would be a better word. As I spoke about my first interaction with angels, yesterday, I want to relay to you another episode with spiritual beings. In 1989 I was a couple months shy of my thirtieth birthday. I received the horrible news that my best friend and older brother had been involved in a very serious automobile accident. My mother and I rushed to the hospital emergency room and was told by the ER staff that someone would be out to speak with us, soon. My mother sat in a chair in the ER waiting area while I stood at the sliding glass doors where you enter the emergency room. I could see a cubicle with a curtain pulled closed and I could see the feet of several staff. As the curtain opened as a staff member exited I noticed the patient was wearing MAST trousers. They are no longer used in the emergency medical field. It was an acronym for military anti-shock trousers. I knew in my gut that was my brother lying there and I knew it was very serious. I called all my immediate family and told them to get to the ER fast, it was Bubba and it doesn't look good. After about 45 minutes the doctor and a couple nurses came out and delivered a blow like none I had ever known. My brother, my best friend was dead. My mom sat down in total shock not saying a word. I, however, went ballistic. I punched all the glass out of the waiting room and ripped up chairs that were bolted to the floor. I was given a sedative and was taken back to have both arms sutured. I did not get any better when my Dad arrived and was given the news. My heart had been ripped out of my chest watching my Dad and how he handled the terrible news. It was march 3, 1989 and my faith came into question. Why would a loving God put such a good man as my Dad through the pain of losing his namesake? I did not understand why. The next morning at about 3am while my wife and small children were asleep my brother appeared to me and told me to tell Mom and Dad that everything was good. He was in a wonderful place. He had no more pain. I broke down and wept. To this day I wish that my brother would visit me, again. Maybe he has crossed over and is unable to come back. I also believe that the colonel has not, for some reason, not crossed over. He feels that I had betrayed him and he will haunt me, forever. I wish he would let it go. thank you theblogmeister please donate

Psyche Logos

I want to make it very clear to all of my readers about what I believe is going on inside my head. The truth is, I do not know. I believe there is the trinity of good, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. There is also the evil trinity, Satan, false prophets, and the antichrist. I do believe that there are spirits that are capable of influencing the living. I have proof of that in the story I told of what happened to me when I was eleven. If you are not familiar with the story I will tell it, again. When I was eleven my three brothers and I were walking across the field to catch the bus when a voice inside my head told me to go back home. I listened to that voice and almost got a spanking for missing the school bus from my mother. She had no way to take me to school, so, I had the day off. At about lunch time I heard my mom screaming. I rushed into her room to find her on the floor grasping at her chest. We had the phone number of my Dad's employer and I called it and asked to speak with Herb Riley, and I told them that it was an emergency. The operator of the plant he worked asked for his extension. I had no idea what an extension was, however, I told the operator extension 36. My Dad was on the phone very quickly and I told him something was wrong with mom. He called the ambulance and came home just as the medics were pulling into the driveway. Who told me to go back home that day? It saved my mother's life. Who told me the extension of his work place? Whom ever it was is still a mystery. Remember what I said about every action there is a reaction? I have to believe that if there are spirits that do good then there has to be demons that do bad. Is the colonel a demon? He has not done good, so, I would have to say that he is a demon. What is his purpose? Those are questions that I cannot answer. He has to be evil to cause me to have so much fear, I do not think an angel would cause fear, rather, reassurance. I do not get reassurance from the colonel. Terror is his modus operandi. Was all this created in my head? Another question that I cannot answer. I will fight him with all that I have left in me. I cannot give up. please donate one dollar Thank you theblogmeister

Unraveling

While I am having these nightmares, at least I hope that is what they are, I have been informed of some unsettling news. I have been terminated from Medicaid because my wife and I make $80 dollars over the limit for a couple. She just recently was awarded her disability thus the change in our income. Over the past year and a half I have been receiving caudal epidural injections in my back to relieve the pain in my leg caused by scar tissue resulting from 4 back surgeries. I have a half of a titanium screw because of defective surgical equipment still in my back. I refused to sue the doctor that did the surgery because he is a good man and was trying to do the right thing. My dilemma now is without medicaid I cannot afford to get the injections I so need very much. If I could get every one of my readers to donate one dollar I could continue with my injections for a year. I know there is some good in you all so I am asking for your help. Thank you, theblogmeister

Shadows In The Night

I wake up in the middle of the night to search my home to find the origin of the noises. I walk slowly in the dark _to find my front door wide open. I always check my doors before I go to bed. As I close and lock it a strange growling sound comes from the rear of the house. I reluctantly check the back porch to find no reason for the noise. I turn around and notice my bathroom light is on. It was not on when I passed by it on my way to check the sounds from the rear of my house. There is, once again, something very strange happening. I turn off the light and slowly move towards the front, again. I reached the living room and found my front door open, again. I lock it and start to leave when I hear the creaking of the front door. I was paralyzed by fear. I did not want to turn around. When I did the door was open, again. My heart was racing as I closed and locked it, again. I am writing this from my locked bedroom for fear of what I may find outside. Fear has gripped my soul. I cannot handle this much longer. My sanity is slipping. It is getting harder to distinquish what is real and what is a product of my imagination. Please, let this be a dream. Fear, sanity, are becoming indistinguishable. I am lost. theblogmeister

Do You Believe?

Since my contact with the colonel I have been researching the subject of communicating with the dead. I have found many stories that are unique, in that they share something that I have been going through, speaking with the dead. Although, I did not actually speak with the colonel, I heard him speak to me. He must have felt my anger and booked. I do not want to open a door that I cannot close, but, I have to find closure in the haunting I am enduring. You read this story and make your own conclusion and send me your answer. Thanks, theblogmeister

The Story of Hi-Jack The Fisherman

During a time when I was young I was a commercial snapper fisherman. I was unskilled, and very young, so the only boats I could get a job with were the older more dangerous boats. As snapper fishermen we would go out for about a month at a time in the gulf of Mexico. I met a man that was also a fisherman, and he was very infatuated with my mother who tended a fisherman's bar near the marina.

His name was Jack, a hard core alcoholic and very jovial in nature. He was the kind of person who was always laughing, even when drunk (more so even). He was a gentle man and easy to get along with. We called him "hi-Jack" because whenever I saw him and said "Hi Jack" he would respond with a "High jack who?" in a loud humorous fashion. He loved my mother very much, though she had little to do with him.
We heard a rumor that Jack had died, he had fallen overboard while out at sea. We did not confirm it at the time, since we really were not very close to him, just an acquaintance. One night he came into a bar that I was in, it was only me and the barmaid (not my mom) since it was late and the bar was about to close. I was opening the door about to leave, when there he was in the doorway! What a surprise! I said "Jack I thought you were dead". He told me not to believe everything I hear, but he did NOT come right out and deny it either.
He was different, he had a more intelligent, deeper look in his eyes,and he held himself better, more confident, but not arrogant. I offered him a beer, which he took, but he never took a drink of it. Unusual since he was an alcoholic, even more unusual was the fact that he was sober late at night!
We sat at the bar, and he asked me how I was, but mostly he talked about my mother. He was very much in love with her and felt it important that I know that. He got up and left, walked down the street to the other bar, and that was the last time I saw him.
My mother had a similar experience, he walked into her bar (there were people there, not empty like the bar I was in), sat with her and had a long talk with her. After saying his "I have always loved you" speech, he took off heading for the marina.

The After Death Communication:

The next day my mother and I talked about this, and agreed that it was very odd. I later went to the fish house and asked about him, and sure enough he really had died! I later talked to Donna, the barmaid where I spoke to him, and she says he never was there and that I was sleeping at the end of the bar while she was preparing to close, and that no one sat with me...
The people that were in my mother's bar told my mother that during that time she was also alone, and had her head down at the bar, like she was resting or sleeping...
Could we both have had the same dream? Was it all in our minds? I don't think so, to me this profoundly convinced me that we do survive death, and that the dead can communicate.

He Is In My Head

Night after night I cannot get through one without visions of the demon of my past. He has chosen to take the route of the past trying to cause me to lose my sanity. Why? I did what was asked of me. It took the colonel weeks to convince me to do what he could not do himself. Do I get thanks for doing it? Hell, no. All I get is images of the torment and hell he put me through for years. He has followed me from Ft. Walton Beach, FL. to where I am, today. Can you call this a haunting. I believe it is exactly that. I hear tremendous noises that are loud enough to wake me from a deep sleep. I get up and examine my home. You should feel safe in your home. I do not. I had finally made contact with him and I sat on my couch as he sat on the other end. Was I dreaming? I really do not believe so. I could smell him, I could see him. I stared at him for what seemed like an hour and he finally spoke. "Why do you fear me?" You have got to be kidding. I blew a fuse. That question pissed me off. Then, he asked me the same thing, again. I let him have it, verbally. Now, he has chosen to be a coward, again. He has chosen to try to create fear in me. It works, too. I do not know what to do. He has moved things in my house. That, in itself, scares the hell out of me. What if he tried to hurt my wife or myself? If he can move things then he has the power to put a knife in my chest. Scared? Hell yes, I am scared. I sleep with one eye open. It is a figure of speech, I sleep lightly. He has control of my sub-conscious mind. When I sleep, he has power. I cannot stay awake, forever. It is affecting my life. Sometimes I wonder if I am losing my mind. I am sure he will continue with his games. Just pray for me.    theblogmeister

When It Rains......

  I took my wife to the doctor, the other day, to have some blood work done. She has to have it done because she is on coumadin, a drug to keep from having clots. Two years ago my wife developed a thrombus, a stationary clot, in her left calf. The thrombus turned into an em bolus, a moving clot. The clot reached her lung and was dissolved before it could make it to the heart or brain. If that would have happened I would have lost her. We got a call from her doctor yesterday morning and was told that her hemoglobin was 7.5. The normal value is 14. Hemoglobin is a part of the blood that carries iron. Besides her hemoglobin being dangerously low, her Hematocrit was also very low. The doctor told us to go to the hospital and have my wife admitted. His concern was that she was bleeding internally. Taking coumadin is not good if there is bleeding involved. Yesterday, she was taken to outpatient surgery to have an endoscopy tube ran down her esophagus to check out  her stomach. We learned that there were no signs of bleeding, the stomach looked good. Then she was prepped for a colonoscopy to be ran today. While she waited on the magnesium citrate to do its job she was given two units of blood to bring the low values back up. Today, she had her colonoscopy done and the doctor could not find any bleeding in her bowels. Every thing on that end looked good, also. They let me bring her home with some iron tablets to take TID. They could not find the reason for the low blood values. You may think that I am off my rocker, now? If anything happens to my wife and I lose her I am gonna have some problems that make the visits from the colonel seem completely normal. I cannot live without her. She is the reason that I am blessed with some walking around sense. After every thing that she learned about my PTSD and all the other bullshit that is wrong with my life, she took a chance on me, believed in me and married me. She is the one woman that I have spent together in a tractor trailer for months at a time and we never argued. I am not just saying this. She is absolutely one incredible woman. We love to be around each other. I would rather spend my weekends with her than go to Vegas with my buddies. Not like I could ever afford to go to Vegas. I love her that much and I wish that I had the money to do something for her. Money does not mean that much to her, thank God. We barely make it by. But I love it. I just want her close by. I cannot handle it if something happened to her. I swear I would join her. If you believe that there is a supreme being that created us and has the power to intervene in our lives I want you to ask God, or whomever you call God, to watch over my wife, Lorri, and ask him to let her stay with me. Please. Thank you      theblogmeister

Managing My Mental Memories

Most, if not all, of my memories are mental time stamps. Just what the heck is a mental time stamp? Anytime I want to write a story all I have to do is recall certain memories, put them in a certain order, chronologically is done the most, emotive, and all memories that serve the purpose of my story. I included emotive for a specific reason. An actor is good at emoting to get his point across and for me it is the best way I can draw out certain behaviors to give my reader a feel for what I am reliving. That is all my stories. They are based on memories. I do not write novels. I emote on the page. If this sounds like the writings of a lunatic they very well may be. I change as my stories evolve into a coherent piece that is worthy of spending a few minutes to read. If I fail to have any emotion then I have failed you, the reader, and I, the writer. I mostly write while I am under the influence. I am glad WUI is not against the law. Writing Under the Influence. I have let my secret out, now. When I fail to keep your attention to read a story I have wasted time that helps me in my mental stability. It should be instability. It is like a diagnostician finding fault so I can figure a way to rehabilitate the fault. There is a jumble of neurons that are firing inside my brain constantly and for the only purpose; confusion. The colonel does not want me to reach that point when we actually communicated. But, that is what his sole purpose of existance. To communicate and find a way into the next dimension. It is like he had a chance and blew it. He now knows that he does not have to go through all the irrevelent things that scare most people away. My fear of him has abated. Now, if he pulls some stupid shit in the middle of the night he may succeed in scaring the hell out of me. We are past all that, now. Let us try it one more time. It was my anger that made you flee the last time. I will not make that mistake, again.                        theblogmeister

In a Zombie State of Mind

I don't know why this is happening to me. I quit smoking reefer a long time ago. It has nothing to do with the colonel, either. I can't explain it but sometimes I feel that I have contracted an Amazon disease that turns you  into a pygmy. The only problem is that I am not getting shorter. I like how tall I stand. I am five foot, eleven inches, the standard height of a male as quoted by the American Medical Association. I am not too tall and I am not too short. It has absolutely nothing to do with PTSD and I honestly don't know why I think it is important enough to put in my article. That is my point. The colonel has changed my life, forever. My thinking is predicated on my fears of my life in the midnight hours. If weed was legal I would be afraid to smoke it. I do not need cannabis to have freaky dreams. When I was a small child I would walk in my sleep. To prove that my midnight hours have not altered that much my wife says I talk in my sleep to this day. For some reason that bewilders me I have a very active midnight hour life. Maybe I was predisposed to nocturnal behaviors. My sub-conscious mind has a wonderful opportunity at creating or what ever it does while I am asleep. I do not know until I am pulled into another dimension by the colonel. That is when the shit hits the fan, excuse my french. I believe that the colonel is not the first one that I've had contact with on the other side. Maybe he was aware of that fact and is the reason that he chose me to carry out his plan. I'm afraid he needs me, once again. If not, why all the bother? I am beginning to think that he has not completely crossed over and is stuck between dimensions. I may be the only one that can complete the task since I started it.
  For some of you this may be too much to comprehend. Every thing is possible through these eyes. I have been dealing with more than most. Is what I write true? It is to me. Things happen that I cannot understand. My mental health has been an issue with me for a long time. Sometimes I think it all could be a bad dream. I've had those, too. I know what mental pain is all about. It is not much different than my physical pain. After several failed attempts at spinal fusion I am now, and have been for over a year, in pain management. I have an epidural every other month and they are only now starting to give me relief. Like my PTSD, things happen. I lost my medicaid on June 30th. My wife, who suffers from fibromyalgia, just received her disability and I lose my medicaid because we make $80 dollars over the limit. They do not let me count the $325 dollars that comes out of my check for child support. I make $261 dollars per month. I have talked with so many people about some help to no avail. I am going to have to come up with $180 dollars to get my caudal epidural. My luck, just when those shots started working. So, I am pulling my head out of the sand and asking for donations to keep my shots from being stopped. I'm going to keep on writing and telling you about my dreams. If you can help, please do. if not, please keep reading. Thanks for listening.    
                theblogmeister

Where The Hell am I Going

 I have , at one time, thought I knew where this blog was heading. Now, I am not so sure. I have self punished for many, many, years. The Colonel has punished me until I thought I could not take it anymore. There is something inside me that will not allow that to happen. Is it God? I do not know. Is it Satan? He seems the more logical choice. Torment for 30+ years has to be evil. There are times when I believe that I have kicked his ass. Satan, not God. Yet the torment will not abate. It is not just me, it is my wife, also. She lives through the hell just as I. When we first got together, I did not think that the Colonel would bring her in to the hell I have been living. I told Lorri of my torment, trying to scare her away, it did not work. For some reason she believed that I needed her to stay sane. You have no idea what that meant to me. While I was in the VA hospital in Tuscaloosa, she called every night. When the phone would ring and the staff would say,"It is your girlfriend." my knees would almost buckle. I could not believe this woman cared so much for me. It was beyond my comprehension. Yet, she called every night. I had known her since highschool and she followed me. She had a bad marrage and did not want to get involved in any relationship with any male. But something happened that changed her mind. She could not explain. From that moment on, she knew that she would spend the rest of her life with theblogmeister  amen