The night before last brought with it a new dream. Gone were the disturbing images of a beast that had one purpose; to create fear into every fiber of my being. I have come to wonder about the colonel and why he seems to be wanting to reconcile a relationship that, at a time, was a real and healthy one. I am confused by this sudden transformation and more than a little skeptic. He has, in the past, tried to make amends only to kick the chair out from under me. He seems to get bored with the terror ploy and change his tactics. My dream last night was completely unrelated to the colonel but I feel there is a message in it that intends to help me deal with the unpredictable former fighter pilot. My dream involved my wife and was not a pleasant dream, at all.
Not to give a play by play of my dream, rather, a synopses of what it was, I can remember very clearly the lack of tact that was shown by a state trooper who informed me that my wife was killed in a car wreck. The news was given in a matter of fact way and once receiving the news that the one person I depend on more than anything else in this world was no longer a part of it hit me like a freight train. My wife woke me up from this nightmare and I have never felt more relief than I did, then. I held onto her and she stroked my hair and with such soothing words brought me back to my real world. Lorri has become very good at bringing me from the edge of hysteria on many occasions. This time was different. Instead of convincing me that the colonel was not after me and bringing me back to the here and now she, by her words and touch alone, made me realize that I had not lost her. It was the most heart ripping dream of my life. I, honestly, do not know what or where I would be without her. She accepted me with all my flaws and has been the reason I am alive. I feel like the colonel has lost his power and has gone after what is most dear, to me. I still am having difficulty deciphering the dream of him with the one question that I cannot answer. Why do I fear him? I hope that answer will be within my grasp, soon. I do not know why. I do not know why. theblogmeister