Saturday, May 21, 2011

I am on a Roll

This is the way it happens. Maybe it is because I am spending too much time thinking about the Bastard. I can't help it. This morning at about 3am I was woken up by a very loud humming sound. It was loud enough to rattle my windows. I fell asleep at some point in my recliner, so, when I was trying to find the origin of the humming I walked in to check on my wife asleep in the bed. The noise did not interrupt her sleep. I walked back out on the back porch, where my recliner and TV is located, and sat down to figure out if the humming was coming from inside me or from reality. How can the noise transfer from one consciousness to another by rattling my windows? It would be easier for me to write it off had it not been for noise from this plane. I don't mean airplane, I am talking about two separate planes of consciousness. One would be a dream or nightmare, the other plane is one that exists that allow the spirit world to survive. I know I am sounding like a quack but I am a regular guy that just so happens to have experienced some strange things that cannot be explained by our laws of physics. It is another level of consciousness. There are examples of it happening to regular people like me every day. A woman gets a strange feeling the exact moment her daughter dies in an automobile accident. Another loses a family member and they are visited that night by their deceased loved one. This is not hocus pocus, palm reading shit that I am talking about. You know exactly what I mean. You may know someone who has had unexplainable things happened to them. There is a show on A&E called Celebrity Ghost Stories. Let me say that I am not the kind of person that watches every ghost show or believe everything I read about the occult. Most of it is bullshit. I watched that show the other night and you could tell these people saw what they said they saw. I know they are actors, but watch the show and see for yourself. There are things that we, as a people, do not know. The only thing that I know and understand, to a point, is my experiences. I do not who told me, when I was eleven, the things to save my mothers life. I can say with fact that I sat in front of someone that has been dead over thirty years and could smell his breath. Was it a dream? I don't know. There are some questions that I do not have the answer to. There are a lot of things that I can't answer. My brother was killed in 1989 and I have seen him, since. Was that a dream? My mother died in 2008 and she has been to check on me. Was that a dream? The professionals will tell you, of course, it was a dream. Like they know. I have been dealing with Psychologists and Psychiatrists for a long time. They do not have the answers. So, who the hell does? When you find him give him my email. Thanks, I'll have some answers, soon.    theblogmeister

Friday, May 20, 2011

Night Terror

The battles I have do not compare to nightmares. I have a specific demon that tries to break my soul. This demon is probably self-created. Let me say that in another way. My demon has a name, Col. DeBarge. This was a real person. I killed him in 1978 and my mind has given him life ever since. There was a point in time that I was not quite sure if the Colonel was dead. I was, and still am being haunted by this demon. If he is not of God, then he is of Satan. Therefore, he is my demon. God would not put me through this much torment for this long. That is why I am convinced he is a demon. This is no where near the nightmares that I spoke of, earlier. I have been told by the professionals that he is a creation of my sub-conscious. I, being filled with guilt and shame, am trying to punish myself because no one else did. I kept this secret for over twenty-five years. I am the reason that the colonel is dead and I have been punishing myself since that time. It is hard for me to understand that I have created something filled with so much evil. I have been terrorized by him in ways that no one should have to go through, and yet, I am being told that he is my creation. Why would I put myself through all this? That is the hardest for me to understand. Why can I not make him stop? I do not enjoy putting my wife through the horror of his evilness. She sometimes wakes up to a blood curling scream and has to spend time calming me down. She has escorted me through the house, room to room, making sure we are alone. She, at times, has to unlock and re lock each door in the house for my benefit. She has wiped my brow to rid my body of the sweat generated during my meetings with him in another world, whispering in my ear like a small child that heard something go boom in the night. She has seen the terror, been a part of it. She did not ask for any of this. I am being told that the terror is coming from myself. I am the creator of this demon that causes havoc in my house in the dark of the night. I must be hallucinating when I am face to face with his death mask. This is what the professionals are telling me. It is hard for me to believe. I will go to bed not even thinking of the colonel and several hours later will be awoke by a door slamming. I'll get up out of my bed to see where the noise came from and meet him in the middle of the night. I am not dreaming when I get out of my bed. My reality will change or I will cross into another plane of consciousness. It is not possible for us both to exist in the same world. So, I must cross into his world. What if I cannot make it back into my world? Is that how people vanish from the face of the earth? So far, I have been able to get back into my world. Will a day come that the celestial door slams in my face and my existence on this earth is over? I do not have that answer. I wish that I knew for sure.     theblogmeister

Thursday, May 19, 2011

What You Can Do If You Have Nightmares

A nightmare is a dream that occurs during sleep that brings out strong feelings of fear, terror, distress, or anxiety. Nightmares usually happen in the second part of the night and wake up the sleeper, who is able to remember the content of the dream.

•Generalized anxiety disorder

•Night terror

•Post-traumatic stress disorder

•Sleep disorders

ConsiderationsNightmares tend to be more common among children and become less frequent toward adulthood. About 50% of adults have occasional nightmares, women more often than men.

CausesAnxiety and stress are the most common causes of nightmares. A major life event occurs before the nightmare in some cases.

Other causes of nightmares include:

•Abrupt alcohol withdrawal

•Breathing disorder in sleep (sleep apnea)

•Death of a loved one (bereavement)

•Excessive alcohol consumption

•Illness with a fever

•Recent withdrawal from a drug, such as sleeping pills

•Side effect of a drug

•Sleep disorder (for example, narcolepsy or sleep terror disorder)

•Eating just before going to bed, which raises the body's metabolism and brain activity

Home CareIf you are under stress, ask for support from friends and relatives. Talking about what is on your mind can help.

Follow a regular fitness routine, with aerobic exercise if possible. You will find that you will be able to fall asleep faster, sleep more deeply, and wake up feeling more refreshed.

Learn techniques to reduce muscle tension (relaxation therapy), which will help reduce your anxiety.

Practice good sleep hygiene. Go to bed at the same time each night, and wake up at the same time each morning. Avoid long-term use of tranquilizers, as well as caffeine and other stimulants.

If your nightmares started shortly after you began taking a new medication, contact your health care provider. He or she will let you know whether to stop taking that medication, and may recommend an alternative.

For nightmares caused by the effects of "street drugs" or regular alcohol use, ask for advice from your doctor on the safest and most successful ways to quit.

When to Contact a Medical ProfessionalContact your health care provider if:

•You have nightmares more than once a week

•Nightmares stop you from getting a good night's rest, or from keeping up with your daily activities for a long period of time

What to Expect at Your Office VisitYour doctor will examine you, ask you questions, and possibly recommend tests. You may be asked any of the following questions:

•Time pattern

◦How often do you have nightmares?

◦Do they occur in the second half of the night?


◦Do you wake up suddenly from sleep?

•Other issues

◦Do the nightmares cause you intense fear and anxiety?

◦Can you remember a particular nightmare (one with vivid images and a story-like plot)?

•Aggravating factors

◦Have you had a recent illness?

◦Did you have a fever?

◦Were you in a stressful situation recently?


◦Do you use alcohol? How much?

◦What medications do you take?

◦Do you take "street drugs?" If so, which ones?

◦Do you take natural supplements or alternative remedies?

◦What other symptoms do you have?

Tests that may be done include:

•Blood cell measurements

•Liver function tests

•Thyroid function tests

•EEG (which painlessly measures brain waves with electrodes placed on the head)

If reducing stress, medication side effects, and substance use do not improve the nightmares, your health care provider may want to send you to a sleep medicine specialist for a sleep study (polysomnography). In some cases, certain medications may help reduce nightmares

My nightmares are the result of PTSD. As you can see there are several causes of nightmares. If you have nightmares as a result of a traumatic event that happened in your life you will need to see a professional. Don't live with nightmares, they can be controlled. If you are not having success with a therapist change therapists, do not give up. I still struggle with nightmares today and sometimes it is hard for me to distinguish them from reality. Live in the moment and have a good life. Thanks,  theblogmeister

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Somnambulist, That's me

This is a tame set of symptoms that I go through. I am reliving the traumatic event that happened over thirty years ago. My nights are filled with events that are difficult to define as dreams or reality. The past nine years have been rather calm but the first twenty years were so bad that I became addicted to any narcotic that I could get my hands on, whether benzodiazepines or Quaaludes, Sopors, and the drug of choice; narcotic pain meds. That was the only way I could live with what I had done. The adverse effects of abusing these meds was incarceration in the state prison, among others. Prison was, by far, the most difficult time in my life. I was fortunate and got the best job at every prison I went to. These symptoms of sleep walking are a mild form of post traumatic stress. These were a cakewalk compared to the most severe symptoms of PTSD and that is the drug abuse. Through a process of rewiring my brain I have been able to cope and live a somewhat normal life. I had to learn a new way to think and it is the hardest task I have ever performed.

Walking during sleep; Somnambulism

Sleepwalking is a disorder that occurs when a person walks or does another activity while they are still asleep.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors

The normal sleep cycle has distinct stages, from light drowsiness to deep sleep. During rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, the eyes move quickly and vivid dreaming is most common.

Each night people go through several cycles of non-REM and REM sleep. Sleepwalking (somnambulism) most often occurs during deep, non-REM sleep (stage 3 or stage 4 sleep) early in the night. If it occurs during REM sleep, it is part of REM behavior disorder and tends to happen near morning.

The cause of sleepwalking in children is usually unknown. Fatigue, lack of sleep, and anxiety are all associated with sleepwalking. In adults, sleepwalking may be associated with:

•Mental disorders

•Reactions to drugs and alcohol

•Medical conditions such as partial complex seizures

In the elderly, sleepwalking may be a symptom of an organic brain syndrome or REM behavior disorders.

Sleepwalking can occur at any age, but it happens most often in children aged 4 - 8. It appears to run in families.


When people sleepwalk, they may sit up and look as though they are awake when they are actually asleep. They may get up and walk around, or do complex activities such as moving furniture, going to the bathroom, and dressing or undressing. Some people even drive a car while they are asleep.

The episode can be very brief (a few seconds or minutes) or it can last for 30 minutes or longer. If they are not disturbed, sleepwalkers will go back to sleep. However, they may fall asleep in a different or even unusual place.

Symptoms of sleepwalking include:

•Eyes open during sleep

•May have blank look on face

•May sit up and appear awake during sleep

•Walking during sleep

•Performing other detailed activity of any type during sleep

•Not remembering the sleep walking episode when they wake up

•Acting confused or disoriented when they wake up

•Rarely, aggressive behavior when they are awakened by someone else

•Sleep talking that does not make sense

Signs and tests

Usually, people do not need further examinations and testing. If the sleepwalking occurs often, the doctor may do an exam or tests to rule out other disorders (such as partial complex seizures).

If you have a history of emotional problems, you also may need to have a psychological evaluation to look for causes such as excessive anxiety or stress.


Some people mistakenly believe that a sleepwalker should not be awakened. It is not dangerous to awaken a sleepwalker, although it is common for the person to be confused or disoriented for a short time when they wake up.

Another misconception is that a person cannot be injured while sleepwalking. Sleepwalkers are commonly injured when they trip and lose their balance.

Most people don't need any specific treatment for sleepwalking.

Safety measures may be needed to prevent injury. This may include moving objects such as electrical cords or furniture to reduce the chances of tripping and falling. You may need to block off stairways with a gate.

In some cases, short-acting tranquilizers have been helpful in reducing sleepwalking episodes.

Expectations (prognosis)

Sleepwalking usually decreases as children get older. It usually does not indicate a serious disorder, although it can be a symptom of other disorders.

It is unusual for sleepwalkers to perform activities that are dangerous. However, you may need to take care to prevent injuries such as falling down stairs or climbing out of a window.


The main complication is getting injured while sleepwalking.

Calling your health care provider

You probably won't need to visit your health care provider if you are sleepwalking. However, discuss the condition with your doctor if:

•You also have other symptoms

•Sleepwalking is frequent or persistent

•You perform potentially dangerous activities (such as driving) while sleepwalking


•Avoid the use of alcohol or central nervous system depressants if you sleepwalk.

•Avoid getting too tired and try to prevent insomnia, because this can trigger a sleepwalking episode.

•Avoid or minimize stress, anxiety, and conflict, which can worsen the condition.

•Find a local Psychiatrist in your town

There is a distinct difference in nightmares and sleepwalking. Millions of Americans experience sleep walking but only those with PTSD are tormented by nightmares. They are not exclusive to PTSD but PTSD diagnosis are more likely to suffer nightmares.
Nightmares refer to complex dreams that cause high levels of anxiety or terror. In general, the content of nightmares revolves around imminent harm being caused to the individual (e.g., being chased, threatened, injured, etc.). When nightmares occur as a part of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they tend to involve the original threatening or horrifying set of circumstances that was involved during the traumatic event. For example, someone who was in the Twin Towers on Sept. 11, 2001, might experience frightening dreams about terrorists, airplane crashes, collapsing buildings, fires, people jumping from buildings, etc. A rape survivor might experience disturbing dreams about the rape itself or some aspect of the experience that was particularly frightening (e.g., being held at knife point).
Nightmares can occur multiple times in a given night, or one might experience them very rarely. Individuals may experience the same dream repeatedly, or they may experience different dreams with a similar theme. When individuals awaken from nightmares, they can typically remember them in detail. Upon awakening from a nightmare, individuals typically report feelings of alertness, fear, and anxiety. Nightmares occur almost exclusively during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. Although REM sleep occurs on and off throughout the night, REM sleep periods become longer and dreaming tends to become more intense in the second half of the night. As a result, nightmares are more likely to occur during this time. I have had some that were pure terror filled. I would not wish that on my worse enemy. Getting a little tired so I'll close by saying that drug abuse is only a temporary solution for a complex set of attitudes. Thanks,  theblogmeister


I can't sleep with a brain that seems to be in overdrive. I do not take any medication that has a side effect stronger than my pain meds. Unfortunately, that side effect happens to be insomnia. I have to admit that it works in my favor. Why? It just so happens that sleep is my enemy. I wish the body could go without it. I would never have to face the colonel in his element. My subconscious mind is a beacon for the vessel of fear. Someone said that fear is a great motivator. I guess you could say that the fear of failure is a better motivator but, then again, the fear to fail may be a barrier to success. It seems to me that success is a series of failed attempts. One is not born successful. It takes risks and failures to learn what works to be a success. If you want to be good at something it takes knowledge and repetition. Knowledge is power. I am filled with cliche's. It is after midnight and I should be in bed with my legs entangled with my wife's legs. The problem is that my mind will not stop thinking. I know why Michael Jackson overdosed on the Diprovan. I have epidurals done every other month on my back and that is what they use to put me to sleep. I call it milk of amnesia. It looks like milk and you do not remember shit after you wake up. It is some amazing stuff. I do not know if MJ was fighting any demons and had to have it to get rest. Hell, if I looked like MJ I would use something like Diprovan, too. He probably scares the hell out of himself when he looks in the mirror. He got it wrong with Man In The Mirror, it should have been Parrot in the Mirror. I apologize to my loyal readers. I have read your emails. Sometimes I can't even sit in this chair long enough to post. I guess I need to get me a lap dance. That was a Freudian slip. I meant a laptop. I would not have any excuses to make. I could say Arthur came to visit. Arthritis? Ha Ha. I do enjoy writing. It is therapeutic. When I have one of those nightmares that I would put my hand on the Bible and swear they were real it helps me to come in my office and vent. The lines are getting blurred when it comes to my visits from the colonel. Fact or fiction. Sometimes I do not know. I have had paranormal happenings as early as eleven. Could the colonel be real? I swear, sometimes I question myself. Had it not have been for Lorri, I am afraid of what could have been. I do not think I could handle this on my own. My meds need to be re-evaluated, I believe. Anyway, I wanted to apologize for being AWOL these past few weeks. I'll buy a lap, almost did it, again, top and keep you more informed. Thanks for hanging in there.       theblogmeister