Sunday, October 27, 2013

What Comes Next?

The help my mission is going to need is no one's fault.I am still trying to find a way to trust that my brother believes I can handle it but I will not have any help from him. When will I be able to go back into the light? I will indeed have to find my brother to complete a misson I still do not know much about. It is strange that I cannot use my brother but I will fail without him. First, I have to know exactly what needs to be done and then I will have to figure out a way that does not include him.It seems that I have been put into a position of failure. Why? I do not have time to dwell on this problem, now. Lorri has finished pushing the plunger all the way and I'm starting to feel the warmth that precedes the light.
   While I was seeking the light Lorri was sitting with three doctors trying to comprehend what they were telling her. "The cells of the muscles that caused your husband's problems have interjected themselves into his bone marrow. The multiple tests that we have used has confirmed that your husband has AML." Before the doctor could continue Lorri asked him if I was going to die. The doctor continued, "Acute Myeloid Lukemia is a type of blood cancer. AML usually develops from cells that turn into white blood cells other than lymphocytes. Sometimes, though, it can develop from other types of blood forming cells.The cause of this disease for most people is unknown. We think your husband's cancer cells in the muscle is the reason he developed AML."
   "I thought you said that the cancer in his muscles was dying off. The cancer was gone." She gave him an accusatory look.
   "Mrs. Riley, acute myeloid lukemia starts in the bone marrow. This is the soft inner portion of the bone. With the type of cancer he has, the bone marrow cells do not mature the way they are supposed to. These immature cells or blast cells, just keep building up. When we did the spinal tap we found the problem."
   "What is the course of treatment and what all does it involve?" She was worried that when she put the drugs in me and caused me to be comatose she may have aggravated the problem. "Will the fact that he is sleeping so deep affect anything negatively? Just the thought of her causing me trouble would be a problem she would have a hard time dealing with.
   "The expected outcome for AML depends on certain factors. With him being under 60 years of age is a plus. His cancer of the muscle is more likely the cause and we will not have to worry about gene mutations or chromosome damage."
   "Mrs. Riley," the tall doctor that looked young enough to be Doogie Howser spoke up, "There is a chance that he contracted this disease from the radiation and chemotherapy he received treating the cancer in his muscles. Mechlorethamine and Procarbazine were used along with radiation and we believe this was the cause."
   Dr. White then said, "AML is actually a group of related diseases.Treatment will depend upon each subtype as well as other factors you really do not want to hear. It does not require surgery but he will need a regime of strong drugs that will make him very, very, uncomfortable. It would be best if we put your husband in a medically induced coma."
  The way Lorri was smiling made the doctors look at each other in curiosity. She then told them to wait after I woke up so she could discuss it with me. It was not much longer after the doctors left that I woke up. I could not remember jack shit. Time did not exist. I asked Lorri how long I was out and she told me it was only about twelve hours. Shit, no wonder. I do not know exactly what I am supposed to do. When I am supposed to do it and who I am supposed to help. I do have one thing going for me, though. The doctors are gonna put the good shit in me, so, maybe I can do this mission impossible.
   I talked Lorri into going home or her Mothers' to get some rest. She resisted at first but she finally gave in. I wonder how she is really handling this whole thing. I have put a lot on her with the light and everything. She believes me and that is what matters most.
   I guess tomorrow will be the big day. I try and reflect on my previous trips into the light to see if I can better understand what I have to do. Hell, it does not help, at all. What do I know? I have been given access to come and go freely into the light. I must help someone but I do not know who that someone is. I cannot get any help from my brother. I have a lot riding on this. I just hope I am able to live through it all. My reward for accomplishing the mission impossible better not be death. That would suck. I keep getting the feeling that somehow my brother does not want me to succeed. I do not know why, either. It is just a feeling. It's more than a feeling.