Monday, December 23, 2013

In The Beginning, no it is not the first book of the Bible

The first time that I laid eyes on Airman Riley He must have been 19 years old. He was a sponge and wanted to learn about everything. Medicine, listening to my old war stories. He loved when I talked about flying. I was a Ret. Full Bird that commanded a squadron at Eglin before I retired. Twenty years after I retired from playing golf, which I would ask Riley how he played that weekend, I was handed a death sentence. Late stage colon cancer.
 Eglin A.F.B., Ft. Walton Beach, FL. Regional Hospital, ward 2-east, room 225. That was my home when I met Riley. We immediately hit it off. He was a sharp kid at 19y.o. that flirted with the nurses and did his job. Most of the tech's would half-ass to my morning routine. I'd just look at them and smile. I knew I had a partner less than a week after I met him. When he did my morning routine it was complete. Bathed, shaved ,clean linen, clean clothes. I never had to ask for anything. Hell, Riley would even fill my pitcher up with fresh ice water. He was motivated and loved his job. He told me sometimes his Surgeon buddy would call 2-east and ask his charge nurse if Riley wasn't too busy I would like to have him accompany me in the O.R. Riley loved to watch Surgery. He even talked the Orthopedic Surgeon into teaching him how to put in a K-Wire. It is connected to weights to keep a displaced fracture where it should be. He talked about medicine all the time. Said him and another Tech, Henry Frazier Steele III, were going to become Doctors. I know for a fact that Riley never made it. Don't ask me how I know. You'll know soon enough. I had to convince him to do something that very well could ruin his life. Not only that but it will destroy his dream of becoming a Doctor.
 The pain was getting much, much worse. I had a steady Morphine drip that I controlled, to a point. I couldn't od. I had to make that decision after much agony and sleepless nights. The decision to end my life. Bunny and I had a lot of good years after the Air Force. We would talk about it and Bunny would just sit there and cry. It came to a point that she started listening to me. The pain I was in was not worth bearing. I was going to die, anyway, I should make it on my terms to say goodbye to my Bunny. It took a while to convince her to get someone to euthanize me. Who did we trust? I trusted one person, Riley. I trusted him with my life, or death. But would he jeopardize all his ambitions to help and old, dying, aviator? I don't know. 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

The Next Chapter

 I have come along way since the days of battling with my Colonel. The nightmares. Maybe certain people have the ability to communicate with the dead, I don"t  know. I do know, however, that I have spoken with the dead. I have had dealings with an old man for a lot of years. Sometimes, I would think that I was losing my mind. Overload because of dreams, real events, and stress. 
  Now, I am getting hit with stuff that it as every bit of real as the oceans of the sea. One large problem. I do not know what to do. I believe that when I talked with my brother and it seemed I had to fulfill a mission that would make a twenty-year SEAL want to come along for the ride. It will be like nothing I had ever experienced. Like Mr. Hendrix"s band, " Experienced"
  My wife has been spending a lot of time with the doctors. One, in particular. I don't really blame her, I guess. I am mostly trying to find the light. That is the one thing I have to do.
  I keep going over in my head the past year. The first time that I went into the light. I still remember the feeling emanating from all my family that was there to greet me. I wonder if they think it was a false alarm, or something.The second time into the light was so different. I must have not been "one of them." It is because the shocker I had on the first day of walking around is the reason I may believe it. I know that when I slipped my field of vision just over the ledge I did not see people. I saw many orbs of light and that has shaken me to the core. As soon as I saw them, they were gone. I had the eeriest feeling about those orbs. It is like they were alive. What being, I'm not sure. 
  The doctors finally came back into my room  and I began hearing things that did not interest me in the least. Talk of not being interested. The only thing on my mind was getting the hell out of this dimension and into another. In the back of my mind I cannot help but wonder if this and my dealings with the Col. were related. What I did to the Col. bothered me to the point I began self medicating to rid my memory of killing another man. 
 The drug use started small. I would take a few 5mg. Valiums and would feel like a million bucks. It did not take long before those few turned into ten to get the same effect. Later it became time to change the chemical I was using to deal with the horror I created. Meperadine Hydrochloride was the winner. Most people know it by Demerol. I knew it by roll. Roll I did for a long time. The horror that rolling made bearable soon turned into something unexplainable. I only thought I was experiencing horror. Years after I killed the Col. I really learned what horror meant. I believe that what is happening to me now is payback. To be honest, I'm scared as hell.                                              theblogmeister