Saturday, December 8, 2012

The Colonel Is Back

After all this time I thought that I had the Col. put in my past. I was wrong. Last night I feel asleep in my recliner with the footstool in the upright position and stretched back as far as I could go. I was wrapped in a blanket, just about to fall asleep when my footstool hit the bottom with my feet slamming into the floor. This was not an accident. It takes my right arm to physically force the arm down to lower the footstool on my recliner. There was no way it could have accidentally been me doing it. As I said before, my arms were inside the covers. The noise woke me up with a jolt, my heart beating loud into my ears. It took a few seconds for me to realize what had happened. I opened my eyes and saw the door to my den closing. I knew it was not my wife. If she is not in the bed I can find her in the recliner next to me, and she was not there. I quickly got up to see if I could find who or what was responsible for closing the door. I saw nothing. I eased my way back to the bedroom and my wife was purring softly in our bed. My mind racing, I did not exactly know what had just happened. Was it a dream? No, my whole body was under the covers, there was no way I could have been responsible for letting the recliner down. My next thought, it must be the Colonel. Why after so long is he back? I went back and sat in the dark, straining to listen for any sound out of place. That is when I heard him. A low whispering laugh. I started to get real scared. It had to be him, who else could it have been? Maybe after all these months of not talking about him he felt like I had abandoned him. Hell yes, I abandoned him. Was he out for revenge? If you have read any of my blogs you will know that I am not a writer. I write what I see, feel and believe. What is the Col. after? As I was pondering these thoughts I heard the bathroom door close, hard. I know my wife, she never slams a door and is always after me for doing it. I got up, once again, and made my way to the bathroom. The light was on with the door locked. I retreated to my bedroom to check on Lorri. She was still in bed. Who the fuck is in my bathroom? I left the bathroom and came to the computer room to write this before my mind forgot. I here banging on my bathroom door. I have to check it out. I hope to get back with you, soon.   theblogmeister


Does Jesse have any credibility as to what he is saying? It is rather interesting, I must say.    theblogmeister

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Demon Visited, Again, Last Night

  For thirty years I suffered with a demon that haunted me every night. For the first time this demon was the very same demon that terrorized me all those years. Why was it the colonel? I guess he still resides in my subconscious mind, he has never left, is my guess. The Colonel tortured me until he had a reason to stop. I guess he has found a reason to start, now. If you are familiar with The Colonel of my past then you should know why he wanted me to end his life; it was because of pain. A pain so severe he could not take it, anymore. I am not, by any means, saying my pain is in the class of his. His body was eaten up by cancerous cells. My pain is severe enough, enough that 240 mgs of Morphine a day does not even touch it. My question is why am I getting visits from The Colonel? I am sure he knows what I an going through, but why now? Surely he doesn't think that I will want to do what I did to him? So, what is his motivation? To give me pointers, to tell me what it is like in the new realm that he is in? I don't even know where the hell he is. The visit I got from him last night was creepy. It was not the evil apparitions I used to get. He actually looked  like he did when he was first admitted to our floor on 2-east at Eglin Regional Hospital at Eglin AFB, Ft. Walton Beach, Fl. He looked great, with that white hair blowing in the hot Florida sun. He was tanned like he had spent the whole day playing golf in the Florida sunshine. As you may notice, I really thought the world of that man. Even though he terrorized my psychological mind for many, many years, I have considered him a friend, a mentor, almost a family member. That was before he almost ruined my pcyche. Of all the trauma he put me through, why has he chosen to enter my life,again? Is he trying to tell me something. I don't know. I guess we will find out.                                   theblogmeister

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Demon's Are Back

Severe pain will make a person do some very crazy things. I have heard of people killing themselves because they could not handle the pain. When I first started this blog I was racked with extreme emotional pain. What is the difference? Physical pain, at the beginning, can be controlled by narcotics, if the pain is severe enough. Emotional or psychological pain cannot be alleviated by any drug. During my early years while I was in the Air Force working as a medic in a hospital. I met a man that would change my life, forever. If you have read my earlier blogs, then, you know the whole story. If you have not, I strongly suggest that you do so. It will give you the springboard into my years of insanity. If you have no idea what I am talking about I will give you a short look into my past. When I was 19 years old, I met a man that would haunt me for the next 30 years. The reason? I took his life. The colonel was a great friend that was dying of inoperable cancer. A cancer that proved to not respond to any treatment. After watching him waste away to 80 pounds and a shell of what he once was, he came to me and asked me to end this suffering for him. It was a very hard decision for me to grapple with. I wanted to be a doctor and killing your patient was not apart of becoming a doctor. He was a smart man, a retired fighter pilot, and manipulated me,a kid, into doing what he wanted. So, I did it. I won't go into the specifics, you can read about all that in my earlier blog posts. The demon I am suffering with, today,is one not much different than the one before. Here is what is happening.
  In 2006, I had a spinal fusion surgery because of a degenerative disc disease. My L-5 vertebrae had dropped so far down that it interfered with my nerves that ran down my leg. Five months after the insertion of surgical screws, rods, and bone grafts that were supposed to keep the L-5 vertebrae in place actually worked. Until 5 months after the surgery. Unfortunately for me, a titanium screw broke causing the neurosurgeon to go back in and remove all the hardware that was put in to correct the problem. Every since I have been taking morphine sulphate to deal with the pain. Now, five years later, I am at a point where the pain meds do not work, I am in constant excruciating pain, I am totally limited to what I can do. The result; The Demon is back. He is trying to convince me to follow the colonel's path. I know I could end the pain in a second. I have been trying to get the VA to do the surgery, but to no avail. I have found a surgeon that will take medicare and do the surgery but I will have to come up with the 20% medicare will not cover. I have has this blog for 5 years and have made $10 dollars in google adsense advertising. That is a scam. All I am asking from my readers is to donate so I can have the surgery. I have been getting 300 hits/day and if my readers would like to help, please donate on my blog. You can save my life. Thank you, theblogmeister