Monday, March 2, 2009


What is pain to you? Physical? Psychological? Emotional? If you are lucky you may experience pain in a way that is easily dealt with. Got a splinter? Dig it out. Cut yourself shaving? Antibiotic ointment. Bump your head? A little bit of ice. Can you imagine a pain that is so intense that it rules your life? You try to sleep but to no avail. The torment continues even while you finally get some sleep. You wake up and pain is the first sense that hits you. All consuming. The little things that bring joy to most is hell to me.PTSD. Pain That Surpasses all thought of happiness. The last time I was completely without pain of any type was November 11, 1978. At that time I had the world at my fingertips. I had hopes of becoming a medical doctor able to heal the sick. Able to give others hope.Confident, to a point, that I would full fill the dream I had of being a doctor. Less than 24 hours my life was ruined. There was no taking back what I had done. I remember that exact moment when life went from hopeful to hopeless. I have asked myself thousands of times," Why?" I had no idea the impact of that one decision. I had grappled with that decision for weeks before I acted on it. It only took 2 or 3 minutes and the results were catastrophic.I had created a demon I could not control. It was November 12, 1978. The demon has haunted me, laughed at me, made me question my sanity. It has no name. Over 30 years later the demon still haunts me. Mostly in my sleep. I have seen countless doctors since I revealed this demon. I have been on many different meds to tame Him. Sometimes I think the only way to rid Him is to rid His host. I am angry for letting others put me in a position to give Him life. One person could have saved me from living in fear of Him but she chose the easy way out not caring that my life would be ruined. I will see Him, again. Tonight. I know that terror awaits. That, my friend, is PAIN. theblogmeister

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