That is what it amounted to. I was fortunate enough to spend one night without a dream, visit, social call, whatever the hell you want to call it, from the demon, friend, psychological scourge, whatever you want to call him. How is it possible for a person to have the ability to enter at will, it seems, into my mind? The message of his visits are taking on a different attitude. In the past the colonel has been a creature of fear, stress, overpowering to the point of terror to becoming somewhat meek and almost confused about his role. In the past he had a sublime inference about his ideas and motives. They were clear and well defined. Imposing his will through fear and intimidation. He was always making a strong statement that I had created in him what I feared most. He is now seemingly apologetic in his wanderings through mental self realities. I am confused by this almost to the point that I wish he would return to the feared demon of my sub-conscious. It was a longstanding relationship where the rules were not obscured. The recent visit that I had of him was the most realistic, the most vivid memory and the clearer image I have had of the man in over thirty years. The one question was why did I fear him? Are you kidding me? The bastard could turn me into a shaking, sobbing, almost catatonic person scaring the daylights out of my wife. The deer in the headlights look, at times. His disruption of my mental status causing me to create an alter-ego. Then he has the balls to ask why was I afraid of him. In life we forged a bond filled with mutual respect. Maybe it was not mutual, after all. I know that I respected him and had actually grown to love He and Bunny. Maybe love is the wrong word. I absolutely cared about both of them very, very, much.
That fear that he controlled me with for all those years seems like is changing to what I felt when he were alive. The dreams are less horrific and seem to be trying to change my feelings of the way I feel instead of trying to create havoc. It is like he is morphing into a person and less a creature. Maybe I am creating this illusion and tomorrow he will be the selfish bastard I have become accustomed to. I may be reading into this past dream a conclusion that I find satisfactory and able to deal with emotionally. Maybe its another one of his head games. Maybe he did not exist, at all, and I am hallucinating this whole story. Maybe I am the one that manipulated him into killing me and I am creating this log as a homework assignment required by all members of extra-celestial flights. Then, in order to be selected as commander of the next flight, I must show my mental acuity and vision of space time continuem. Yeah, Right. theblogmeister