Where The Hell am I Going

 I have , at one time, thought I knew where this blog was heading. Now, I am not so sure. I have self punished for many, many, years. The Colonel has punished me until I thought I could not take it anymore. There is something inside me that will not allow that to happen. Is it God? I do not know. Is it Satan? He seems the more logical choice. Torment for 30+ years has to be evil. There are times when I believe that I have kicked his ass. Satan, not God. Yet the torment will not abate. It is not just me, it is my wife, also. She lives through the hell just as I. When we first got together, I did not think that the Colonel would bring her in to the hell I have been living. I told Lorri of my torment, trying to scare her away, it did not work. For some reason she believed that I needed her to stay sane. You have no idea what that meant to me. While I was in the VA hospital in Tuscaloosa, she called every night. When the phone would ring and the staff would say,"It is your girlfriend." my knees would almost buckle. I could not believe this woman cared so much for me. It was beyond my comprehension. Yet, she called every night. I had known her since highschool and she followed me. She had a bad marrage and did not want to get involved in any relationship with any male. But something happened that changed her mind. She could not explain. From that moment on, she knew that she would spend the rest of her life with theblogmeister  amen