Saturday, September 24, 2011

Night Train

For the past 30+ years,less the past 7, I have been caught on a night train that had topped Donner Pass, on the border of California and Nevada, and began to pick up speed that nothing could slow it down. I tried 12-step meetings, self help books, you name it, I have probably tried it. The reason I was ruining my life can be contributed to one thing; PAIN. At first it was mental pain. The pain and guilt of reliving the day that I ended a man's life. There was not a day, or night, that those memories would fail to resurface. The toughest thing that I ever dealt with was the nightmares, night after night. Then, it snowballed, just like that train topping Donner Pass. The speed that train gained is comparable to the speed in which my life began to unravel. It was not long and the most important thing to me was narcotics. Narcotics are good for relieving physical pain just as well as emotional pain. I had to have them because you see, those were my weapons to fight the demon that was haunting me. When I could not find drugs to buy I would go to the emergency room and pull a scam on the doctors. It is amazing to hear a doctor tell you that you had some cracked ribs and the only treatment was to manage the pain. There are a lot of ER doctors I could get them in a heap of trouble but that, I cannot do. I also will not reveal the scam for fear of others that are drug seeking may do what I perfected. I should have been an actor. I really had a blast "performing" my injury. It worked every time. I was even admitted into a hospitals ICU for the weekend. Shots every 4 hours. By that time the train was out of control. The only way to stop it would be a concrete wall. Others on the train tried everything they knew to get it to stop. Nothing. Everybody gave up on me and bailed. Here I was, knowing where I was headed, and I rode that train for a long time. Alone. I knew the day was coming when I would kiss the concrete and I chose to ride on. Then it happened. August 24th was when I kissed the concrete. The ride was over. I had survived. It is a miracle, too. They put me on a bus, not an ambulance, and drove me to Kilby Correctional Center in Montgomery, AL. to begin serving a 20 year sentence. I hit it, hard. The main thing out of it all, I lived through the runaway night train. I am still living, just a day at a time, now. I will not get back on the night train. Please donate what you can. Thanks for listening. theblogmeister

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