Sunday, August 10, 2008


I seem to be reliving the horror more than I have in the past. Mirtazapine, the drug that I am currently taking for my PTSD, is not FDA approved. I guess that is why the veteran suffering from post traumatic stress disorder is probably taking the same thing. It seems the government likes to use us as human guinea pigs. I recall that the Col., that has been haunting me for the past three decades, was also used as a guinea pig. He would be given a drug that had not been approved by the food and drug administration on several occasions. At one point the Col. got better. Be reminded that he was suffering from terminal cancer with no hope of complete recovery. This was a small glint of false hope that he endured. His wife had a tougher time, at least as bad, than he did. They did get to enjoy a small level of normalcy, however. Is it worth it? I can't answer that. What I can attest to is the Col. was usually in extreme pain. I hurt for him, too. That was the driving force behind my decision to help him end it. I had no idea that my twenty year old mind would have such a devastating reaction to what I had caused. I am working on ways to cope with the emotional torment my actions on that warm day in Ft. Walton Beach, Fl. had caused. If, if, if only........ theblogmeister

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