Friday, August 8, 2008

PTSD is for real

Sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. I am in an inpatient VA hospital and our computer room has been locked down due to the fact that someone likes to download porn, which is against the rules. Some people won't do right. Well, I have been taking the Mirtazapine for 3 weeks and it seems to enhance my nightmares. I have told my psychiatrist about this and he suggested a little more time for it to get in my system good and get back with him. It really seems to enhance my nightmares, making them a lot more vivid. I am still being haunted by the Col. and he has been chasing me with a syringe. I can control my conscious mind but when I sleep the demons take control. I wake up soaking wet from sweating and I am having sensory hallucinations. I can smell the way the Col.'s room smelled the day that I killed him. The staff at the VA wants me to change the way I talk about it, for example, saying instead that I granted his last wish and stuff like that. I have been trying for 29 years to change my conscious thoughts so my subconscious thoughts will follow. It hasn't worked. I don't think that I will ever have peace. Sometimes I want to just say the hell with it and do to myself what I did to him. Pray for me. Thanks, theblogmeister. At least I haven't went back to alcohol or drugs for relief, yet. Thanks, again

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