Wednesday, September 3, 2008

There Is Hope

I am sitting here listening to my favorite artist, Jimmy Buffett. Yes, I am a parrothead! I have been one for a long time. When I am feeling depressed there is no medication better than Jimmy. I am not feeling depressed, just feeling like hearing some good ole Gulf and Western music. I am hoping to listen to about an hour of Buffett and dream about a beachhouse on the moon. Maybe a good dose of Barometer Soup would rid the Demon for another night. I doubt the Demon likes Buffett. I go a few days with beautiful, restful sleep and think that I, somehow, have defeated the Demon. It has happened too many times to count. When I think He is finally erased from my sub-conscious mind He returns with a vengeance. The only success I have had with battling Him is by using narcotics until I pass out. Sometimes, close to death. That has been the only coping skill that I have used over a span of 29 years, resulting in living about half that time in prison. The last stretch I did was 6 years on a 20 year sentence. I have been on parole since I got out in 2002. I have been on parole for 6 years and the only reason that I have not returned is because of a wonderful, beautiful, smart, sexy woman. Did I mention sexy? The greatest thing that ever happened in my emotionally distorted life is Lorri Riley. Because of her ability to give me what the psychologist, Abraham Maslow, said that in order to achieve self-actualization you have to have a sense of belonging. Lorri has given me that and more. She took a chance on a drug addict convict with a boatload of mental anguish and has taken me farther than I could have ever imagined. I still have a long way to go but she is beside me every step of the way. One day God is going to reward her with a husband free of demons and the past that has, until 2003, robbed me of a life free of all emotional hell. Lorri, this letter is for you. Thank you for taking that chance back in 2003. Forever and always, your loving husband, Mark, aka theblogmeister

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