Sunday, November 16, 2008

PTSD Terminal

After all the classes and all the enlightenment I have received concerning post traumatic stress disorder I had come to the realization that I had a handle on this sickness and could understand it. Information is power. I assumed power I did not have. The information I have gained in these last few months gave me a sense of false power. I thought I had a handle on my sickness and could somewhat control it. Just when I believed that I had the knowledge of PTSD and the ability to deal with my nightmares things seemed to get worse. It was like my demon gained strength the more knowledge I gained. The nightmares became worse instead or better. It came to the point that I considered the only way to get rid of my sub-conscious mind was to get rid of my conscious mind. One cannot live without the other. I decided to separate the two so I could live. Here comes the hard part. How do I separate the conscious from the sub-conscious? Sleep is not a barrier of the two. They co-exist with one another. It seems I must have a split personality with the ability to control each self. Is it possible? I don't know. I do know that living with the demon in control of my sub-conscious is no life at all. theblogmeister

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