Friday, May 29, 2009

Memorial Day

Memorial day means a lot to people who want to thank those in the Military for going above and beyond what is asked of them. It also is a time for remembering those that have served and died to protect our freedom. Admirable. To me it is a time of reflection of great pain. Not because I was wounded in battle. I was wounded. However, it was during peace time. Our world was not at war, but I was at war with the demons that I created while stationed at Eglin AFB, Florida. Those demons are still with me. Haunting me in my dreams. For many years I battled with the Demon and the only ammunition I had was drugs. I found that the only way to defeat the Demon was to abuse narcotics. I learned to self-medicate myself to ward off the Demon. The abuse of the narcotics robbed me of a life. I have to say if not for the drugs I would have surely committed suicide. For over 25 years I found the drugs were the only thing that worked. The Demon came to me in my sleep. It was pure terror. I had no other way to combat the Demon. It came with a heavy cost. I lost my wife, a relationship with my kids, alienation from those who cared. I pushed them all away. I am not going to repeat why this all began. You can look back and read older post and find the name of the demon and the circumstances surrounding it. I just wanted to say that my Memorial day is unique and brings back terrifying memories. It's not over. I wish it was. God help me. theblogmeister

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