Wednesday, September 29, 2010


  This is the first time I have sat at my computer since my last post. Reliving what happened so long ago almost derailed my sanity. The pain of that day has crept into my dreams. The Col., once again, dominates my mind. I was reluctant to tell the story that changed my life for that reason. When I sleep my night has become a time to fear. I am reliving the pain. I am dreading the dark because I am afraid to sleep. Terror is a word that has life for me. I have given myself to my sub-conscious. The Col. is very much alive in my dreams. He is angry. He is seeking revenge for what I did to him. Night after night I am fighting sleep because I know what awaits. In the darkness He has strength. I try to get control of my sub-conscious while I am awake so I can defeat Him when I sleep. Slumber is His domain. I have no power over Him. Fear is trying to creep into my conscious mind. It is a struggle that I am not winning. I only win while I am awake. I cannot stay awake forever. The longer I am sleep deprived the deeper I sleep when it overtakes me. That is His power, His domain, and my weakness. Sleep has given Him life, again. It is hard. My strength has become weaker. I will not give in to Him. I will fight.   theblogmeister

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