This was, indeed, a traumatic event. I left Florida but brought Col. DeBarge with me. I started having terrible nightmares. If you look back into some of my oldest posts you will find a diary of those nightmares. Those nightmares began to affect me after I awoke from my sleep. This is when I found something to get rid of those nightmares. It was not therapy, well, I guess it was therapy, not the traditional kind, though. It was self medication. Alcohol only intensified the nightmares but some narcotics erased them. It started, ironically, just before I was discharged from the Air Force. I hurt my back while in the Air Force and used the VA hospital in Birmingham, AL. for treatment after I was discharged. I was prescribed percocet 5mg for the pain. It stopped my physical pain but what was most important was that those perc's stopped my emotional pain. I could deal with the nightmares and the re-living the murdering of a patient when I was high. Let's be real, here. It can be called many different things but when all is said and done you still have to call it murder. Those percocets became my salvation. I was not a murderer. They worked so good that I went to Gadsden State Community College and got a job with the local ambulance service trying to resurrect a passion for medicine. It lasted until the first call I got involving a child being thrown from a vehicle. I quit the next day. I knew that I was developing a drug habit and had to give up medicine, permenantly. I have heard that something like 20% of all medical doctors have used narcotics for themself. What was the saying, " A doctor that treats himself has a fool for a client?" Whoever made that up was a genius. It works as well if you are a divorce attorney.
Back to my story..... later tonight. Thanks, theblogmeister