The Beginning of the End

  I thought long and hard about what I was about to do. I know so much, now, after months and months of therapy, than I knew then. I was an impressionable young kid when I became involved with the Col. I thought that I could handle it. I did not think it would bother me. I knew about euthanasia so I made myself believe that what I was about to do was the right thing. He was wasting away to a disease that was eating away his body. Not his mind, though. He knew what he was doing. It did not matter what it would do to me. He could not commit suicide and risk losing his retirement and pension and leaving his wife, Bunny, in a dire situation. I loved them, both. They were great people and did not deserve what was happening to them. It was time. I gave the Col. a large amount of morphine sulphate in his IV. I then gave him about 30cc of potassium chloride.I walked out of his room without looking back. I immediately took a right into the stairwell and walked down, exited the hospital, got into my car and drove home. Within an hour the phone rang, it was the hospital. I was told that Bunny needed me. That is all the nurses said. They did not tell me the Col. was dead, of course, I already knew. They thought that I would be in no shape to drive if I knew he was dead. I drove back to the hospital and poked floor number 2. I walked out of the elevator and there was an erie calm. Everyone was watching me as I walked toward the Col.'s room. Bunny met me at the door and we just held each other and cried. They had no children of their own but on many occasions they told me that they were going to adopt me. She held onto me and led me in his room. What I saw lying in that bed would haunt me for the next 31 years. I was devastated at what I had done. All of my emotions escaped me at once. I collapsed and had to be treated by my fellow employees. I saw the pain that I caused in Bunny's eyes. This was all my fault. Bunny had told me that she wanted me to come by her house that the Col. had some things he wanted me to have. After Bunny left the hospital I went home and was in a trance-like state. I was in shock. The doctors wanted to admit me for observation but I said no. The next day I went to my first seargent and asked to be transferred off the floor to another job in the hospital. I spoke to noone about what happened. It was a complete surprise to my friends that I worked with. I was transferred in about 2 weeks and was discharged from the military within 3 months. My company commander of the medical squadron was from the same hometown I was from and he got me an honorable discharge from the Air Force. I gave up on everything I wanted and loved. I never saw Bunny, again. What began were nightmares of unspeakable terror. I had created a monster and he would not let me have peace. His name was Colonel Renold L. DeBarge.      theblogmeister