Thursday, October 7, 2010

I Need a Valium

  I am making a joke out of what happened to me last night. Every word of it is true. That is one of my tamer nightmares. I have had them so bad that my wife wakes me up and convinces me that what had happened was indeed a dream. I have never had such vivid dreams filled with pure fear. Sometimes the Col. is trying to kill me. He chases me, runs me down, tortures me, and it has been going on since 1978. It got so bad back in 2003 I was admitted into the VA hospital in Tuscaloosa, Al. I was told, then, that I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had never heard of PTSD. When it was explained to me by other patients, veterans with the diagnosis of PTSD, I did not think that it applied to me. I was never in combat, never been to war. All the guys that I was in group therapy with, they all were in combat. Some were in the Vietnam War while others were in the gulf war. I was told by my therapist not to discuss my case in group until he talked with the higher-ups because mine involved a crime. Albeit, over thirty years ago. After about two weeks my therapist came to me and told me that I had the OK to tell my story. An investigation was not opened after the Col.'s death. He had no children and his wife had passed away long ago. I felt like I did not deserve to be in the same group with these guys. To me, they were heroes. I got up the nerve to tell my story and you could have heard a pin drop after I finished. They came up to me and hugged my neck and told me that I was a part of them, that I had PTSD and they would do anything for me to help me get through it. I wish they were here, now.  theblogmeister

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