Friday, December 24, 2010

Reality Breeds Dreams Breeding Reality

  I had not slept this well in a long, long time. I cannot explain why. I have learned not to question things that may or may not be real. When I wake up in the mornings I am at a disadvantage. I have to wait and try to verify what ever happened the night before to find out if what happened was real or a dream. As I am lying in bed I start to figure out a way to confirm the reality of the night before. I say reality, singular, this time because sometimes my dreams are reality. Can you imagine starting your day that way. You cannot just get out of bed, make coffee, then plan your day. If you even have to do that. You may be what I call a robotic human. You know the kind. They have a job that consists of repetitive actions until the lunch bell, continue on until time to clock out. Things are probably done on a schedule without deviating very much from the set internal program. I am not saying that this is bad, just predictable. Some people like that style of life. I am happy for them. I even envy them, at times. The days blissfully roll on. Working hard and bring home the bacon. That what makes America great. We have millions of people that live this way. Then we have those people that are risk takers, maybe a wall street banker, or a professional athlete. They are hardwired, differently. That is what They have to have. It is in their DNA. Thank you for being like you are. Others, like myself, enjoy watching you at work. You bring a lot of people satisfaction. Then there are those that have that previously described DNA but lacking the skill to accomplish a way to make a living at whatever exciting thing that you love to do so you settle for a job that allows you to do this on a part time basis. Good for you. Then there are those that do not have a genuine grip on what is happening around you. You try to fulfill a desire to be a part of something and have no way to know how to do it. You try to have a sense of belonging, which I believe we all strive for. Yet, you fall short. It depends on how you handle it whether are not you are accepted or shunned. Then there are those that just do not give a shit. They have been studied more than any other human being. A sociopath. The worst of the worst. For whatever reason they turned out that way. I am not even gonna try and guess why they are that way. Psychiatrists that study them can only give an opinion as to why they are that way so I know I do not know. There are so many personalities that differ it makes everything exciting. It would be boring as hell if we all were alike. I have been  rambling, I know, but my point is I do not have a clear grasp on who or what I am. I mean the reason I exist. I believe I was supposed to be a doctor but someone threw a wrench in that plan. All I want to know is why was my plan thwarted. More than that, I want to know why I am being constantly punished. I am not looking for your sympathy, trust me, I do not care if someone else believes that. I have had my life transformed for a reason. To write about it? To freak my wife out, sometimes, about it. To forget about it? To overcome it? Hell if I know. I wake up and I wonder if I am awake. That is how thin the line of reality, and the line of perception, is in my mind. All I can say is hang on, I think we are about to go on a ride.     theblogmeister

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