The pain is all consuming. I try to watch T.V. to get my mind off the pain but it doesn't work. I've got so much narcotics flowing through my veins I should not be able to feel a thing. When I drift to the days of the war when Riley and me spent over three years as prisoners to the japs my mind will take over and it feels like I am back there. After we dropped our load and Riley came up to tell me I made a b-line north, to get as far away from Japan as I could get. We ran out of gas and had to ditch in the ocean and was picked up by the Japs. They took us, a little banged up, to a prison camp. There were about 6 others from our squadron already there. We were told that the Japs had killed three of our pilots after charging them with crimes against the Emperor. Fuck the Emperor.
I was awaken by Airman Riley just as I was getting ready to jump one of them guards and slit his throat. "What's up, Col. D? How was your night, is the pain still pretty bad?" He really cares. He is not making small talk, he means it. He would do almost anything to help. I still haven't gotten him to agree to my plan. I just need to work him a little more. "Have you thought anymore about my plan?" I quizzed.
"Yea, Col. D, That is all I have been thinking about. I understand the pain and not wanting it to continue but to die because of it? Let me refrain that last statement, enough for me to take a chance and kill you?" He was torn between wanting to do it and being afraid to do it. If I can get him to believe that he can do it and not get caught, I think he will do it.
"Listen, you are no dummy, I know that you can get the medicines to put me to sleep, permanently. You will not be able to tell anyone and I sure as hell can't!"
"But Col., you are asking me to go against everything that I believe in and love about medicine. I do not know if I can. I can't sleep at night thinking about this, I think about it all day." I think I may be getting to him. "Look, Riley, you can do this, I am begging you to do this. I can't take it much longer. Please, help me, please." Our relationship seemed to change at that moment I looked into his eyes. He seemed resigned that it must be fate that we were brought together. He was not his normal chipper self. It was like he was carrying the burden of the world on his shoulders. It would be less than a week and I think he will give me the greatest gift of all: death. theblogmeister