Sunday, July 28, 2013

Not The Same Man

Life sometimes throws you a curve. We get put in a situation that makes us shake our head and ask, "Why me?" I look back on my life and ask myself if I treated others the right way. Did I give others the benefit of the doubt? Did I treat others the way I wanted to be treated. The lights are beaming down on me making my skin hot. I see people hid behind mask without knowing if they are smiling or laughing.The pain is so bad I look for ways to end it, permanently. I feel someone grabbing my elbow and start to shake it. Why are they making things worse, for me? A nurse states that she has to start another IV because the one I have has infiltrated. I look into the nurses eyes and tell her I am gonna die, anyway, so, what's the bother. She states I will need it for fluids. These fluids have no magical properties that will save my life. She says nothing. The years I have been on Morphine has created an immunity to narcotics. Nothing eases the pain. My whole body is racked in imense pain. The doctor came in and I asked him to put me in a medical coma, that I could not stand the pain any longer. Thank God, he agreed. He said he would have to intubate me. I told him that I did't care, I just needed some relief. He left the room and returned with two other doctors and a large pack rapped in blue. After a few minutes he said that he would give me some medication that would put me under and I would feel no pain. I could have kissed him. He hooked a syringe to my IV and pushed. After a couple seconds I felt no pain in five years. That is when I saw a blinding white light. I felt I was being transported to another place. At the end of the journey I saw all my family and friends that had died in the past. They looked the same and they gathered around me and we spoke to each other without talking. Am I in heaven. It was wonderful. This cannot be real. I am not dead. My brother, who I lost in 1989 told me that this was real. I asked him if I was dead. He told me that I wasn't dead that I would be returned to my body. I wanted to cry tears of joy but no tears came. I looked at all that were gathered around me and I could feel their love. I did not understand what was happening but it felt wonderful. I was in no pain, whatsoever. I wanted to ask questions, a million of them. The love was so intense and I knew it was time to leave. My family and friends faded into the light qand I was in nothingness. No conscious thought, at all. I was just there. I wanted to go back to see and feel the love I had expierenced. Nothing. Blackness.            theblogmeister

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