Saturday, August 3, 2013

Am I Dead?

The feeling, the bright light, the love emanating from my family that has gone on before me. I want it back. All I feel now is the need to return to where I had been.. I have read stories of near death experiences and never truly believed them. If that is what I had then I know that they are real. I try and tell my wife what just happened to me but I cannot communicate with her. My mind is working and I think I can talk but I am just lying there, motionless. I look at her and wish she could see and feel what I felt. There is nothing in this world that I can compare to what I went through. I do not know how long I was there but I wish I could go back. I cannot grasp the reasoning behind the visit to the other side. Did I almost die? At this point death would be special. Then I wonder if I actually die will I go to the same place I was previously. I just want to go back and feel the love from my family and friends.
  It felt like my bones were being crushed by a force never experienced. I tried to open my eyes but they were taped shut. As my brain was attempting to process what was happening I felt a warm sensation flowing through my veins. The pain in my body was easing but not going away completely. Sudden bright lights as the nurse took the bandages off my eyes made me think, for a second, I was going to that loving place. I blinked a few times and focused my eyesight to the people standing around me. My Doctors, my earthly family, nurses, and a bunch of equipment. They had brought me out of a coma. The news I was hearing was shocking. I had been in a coma for three months and during that time the tumors in my muscles, a result of the spreading bone cancer, had shrunken in size. Only a minor victory, though. The medical staff tried to tell me that nothing was done to me while I was in a medically induced coma. Diagnostic tests that were done had shown the Doctors that my tumors were shrinking. They had done nothing to cause this and were perplexed. It was not great news to me but the medical staff seemed a bit excited. My mouth was so dry I could not even speak, so, I asked for something to write with. I asked them if I had died. The look in their eyes gave me the answer. I had coded and had to be brought back with the defibrillator. They wanted to know how I knew. I was not about to tell them for fear of being given anti-psychotic drugs. Fuck'em. They don't need to know but I had to tell my wife. It took several hours of tests and questions from the staff before I had the chance to be alone with her. So, I began to tell her my story.                                                         theblogmeister

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