Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Webster defines the word terror as 1)a state of intense fear 2)a.one that inspires fear b)a frightening aspect c)a cause of anxiety d)an appalling person or thing. When you look at the definition of a word, you appreciate the context on which the word was used. I have used the word terror to explain what,up until a few months ago, plagued me several nights per week. Think about that for a moment. To experience terror on a regular basis was a part of my life for 31 years. Can you imagine the stress that would cause? A state of intense fear. Think of the scariest movie you have ever seen or having someone jump out at you from a closed room. Whatever the scenario may be. One that inspires fear. Use your imagination. A John Carpenter movie. Someone pointing a gun at you demanding your money. A frightening aspect. We just about covered that one, too. A cause of anxiety. What makes you anxious? Public speaking? A car pulling out in front of you and you just barely missed him? An appalling person or thing. That could be a homeless man taking a swig of your cold drink. How about being the first to arrive on a fatal car crash? These actions are a great definition of terror. Now, can you imagine dealing with terror on a regular basis for many years? I bet I know what you are thinking. Fix the problem. Eliminate the terror.Problem solved. Right? eeehhh! When I graduated high school in 1977 I had made up my mind that I was going to be a doctor. My family, 4 boys and a girl, not counting my parents, Paying for college was out of the question. So, I joined the Air Force and became a medic with the intention of attending college to major in Pre- Med. The Air Force would then send me to Officers Training School ultimately, to medical school. I would then be indebted to the Air Force for the next 6 years practicing medicine. It was a perfect way to get a jump on the younger med students while learning the one thing that I had dreamed about since I was a kid; becoming an M.D. I had a good friend from South Carolina who had the same aspirations as I. He is an M.D. practicing medicine in Jefferson City, MO. My plans were derailed not long after meeting Col. DeBarge. You can look back through my old posts and find out just what experiencing terror on a regular basis will do to someone. It has been the hardest thing leaving the one profession that I loved. There was no way that I could stay after killing the Col. I had violated the trust and oath of the medical doctors. The part of the Hippocratic oath, " I will do no harm..." has played constantly for 31 years. It has cranked up, again. Thanks, theblogmeister

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