The Light Is Gone

  It is dark outside. I can feel my heart rate exceeding its normal limits. I do not want to go to sleep. Could it be that the more I talk about Him at the conscious level I am giving Him power over me? I capitalize the pronouns for a reason. He is alive, to me. He lives in the dark recesses of my mind waiting on the chance to show His strength. I have tried, in therapy, to depersonalize Him. My therapist thought it important to try and not talk about Him. Use imagery, a type of therapy that uses visualizations to control or change mood and behavior. Everything I learned in therapy made sense to me. I do not understand why, when the sub-conscious takes hold, I still dream of this man. It is probably not a very good idea for me to be writing about Him this close to sleep. I think it may reinforce His presence. If I watched black and white movies all day, will I dream in black and white? I am rambling, doing anything to avoid the inevitable. Will He come, tonight? Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen   theblogmeister