I have not gone to bed since my uninvited visitor last night. Fear is a great motivator. I understand, more than any, the need for sleep. I sometimes hope that complete exhaustion will render me comatose, therefore, giving no quarter to My Demon. I will not fight Him the way I fought Him for almost 25 years by the use of narcotics. It is so tempting to fall back in those old behaviors. The use of narcotics worked but they came with a hefty price that I am not willing to pay. So, how do I deal with the monster inside me? I have tried to turn my problems over to God. I have tried psychiatry. I have tried hypnotherapy, with some success, I might add. I am in the process of using pharmacology under the guidance of the medical profession, excluding narcotics. I do, however, take narcotics for a back problem that has caused me to have 4 back surgeries. The morphine is kept in the custody of my wife and she ensures that I do not abuse them. I have been admitted to an inpatient psychiatric facility to treat my PTSD which involved group and individual counseling. I have tried emotive therapy. There definitely is no lack, on my part, of dealing with this problem. My grown son says I am a piece of shit and will have nothing to do with me. I do not understand his hatefulness of me. I have tried to be a good father to him but he will have nothing of it.
Other than what I previously mentioned my life is going great. I only wish for some undisturbed sleep. Am I asking too much? theblogmeister