Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Monsters Inside Me

  There is definitely something wrong with me. I know this. I am being punished for what I did back in 1978. Am I punishing myself? I am no dumb ass, by no means. I am not the smartest person, either. I understand how the mind can hurt or heal. All I know for a fact is that I am being inundated by these nightmares that are debilitating. I can't give in. I have to make a living. The only way I am able to do that, right now, is to take narcotics to quiet my Demon. Otherwise, I would be a walking basket case because I could not get any sleep at night. I am in a catch-22. Thanks to the colonel I am living on the edge. I had my brother right there beside me. He had his own demons, I guess, because he would do as much, if not more, dope than I. The dope kept coming as long as I was writing. I got to the point when I had five or six prescription pads with their DEA number. I knew not to write any scheduled three drug with a refill. It is against the law. Schedule IV, like lortab, refills are possible. Percodan or Tylox, 5mg of oxycodone, thirty max. I knew enough about medicine to not slip up. But, I did. I let too many people in on what I was doing. I showed my face at way too many drug stores, so, I would get other people to get them filled and I would give them half. It worked out for the both of us. Until I let the wrong one in on my scam. He got busted and told the cops where he got the scripts and guess who paid me a visit? That was my first felony; probation. The nightmares got a lot worse as I became used to the drugs. Tolerance. I had to do something drastic. If I can live through it.   theblogmeister

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