Friday, December 10, 2010


  What you just read was considered by me to be a slow night. There were no terror filled moments of panic or fear. It was mainly confusing. As I sip my morning coffee I replay the memories of last night, much like a football coach dissecting a game film looking for weaknesses, habits, patterns and strengths. This is my life. Reliving the night before to figure out ways to prepare for the night to come. I never know how my dream state may be. If it will be scary as hell or some kind of prophecy to be analyzed and recorded for future reference. The sub-conscious mind is in constant battle with the real me. I do not call them dreams, anymore, because they are so real. It is more like a parallel reality. These realities are divided into two dimensions; light and dark. When the sun comes up my primary reality is the one that defines me and is shown to the world. It is who I am, has friends, hopes and fears as most people have. It is the reality that molds who I am as a person. When there is a traumatic event that my primary reality cannot cope with the alternate reality is created to deal with the pain and the fear that the primary reality could not handle. In a matter of speaking, you could say that I have a split reality; not a split personality. Personalizing something gives it credibility, a life of its own, a stamp of approval. My alternate reality has none of those attributes. The question then becomes; is it real? For it to be a reality it has to be real. That is why personalizing it makes it real. It is, indeed, real. It is not, however, alive. That is where some people cannot grasp the differences between the two. When that happens another 'person'ality is born. The one that cannot distinguish the two, their differences, become entrenched in a life that mixes the two realities, creating what psychologist call multiple personality disorder. I do not give breath and life to but one of my realities but it is just as real, fearful, painful and harder to discern.  theblogmeister

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