Friday, December 10, 2010

A Pseudopersonality

  After reading my latest post I felt that I needed to clear some things up, a little. I confused myself trying to explain the part of my life that is so difficult and demanding. There was a point in my life that I liked the way things were going for me. I had a great job, lots of good friends, a life of no regrets. With the act of doing something I thought was the right thing to do, at the time, resulted in turning my life upside down. I made the decision to euthanize a patient that had no real life. The quality of life was, and still is, very precious to me. I was led to believe that an act of love and loyalty would reap rewards beyond comprehension. Instead, I was given an emotional time bomb. I had no knowledge on how to diffuse that bomb. The ticking has not stopped after over 30 years. The definition of the word reality; is the state of things as they actually exist whether or not it is observable or comprehensible. Rather interesting, don't you think? My reality before the creation of the monster inside me was that of a sterile, clean, and vibrant existence. The state I existed in at that time. After the traumatic event that altered my existence, my reality, is one of fear, horror, emotional pain, and apprehension. That is the state of my existence, now. Remember, it does not have to be observable or comprehensible to make it reality. I believe since the trauma, I have created a parallel reality. You cannot see it and sometimes I do not understand it but they are still realities according to the definition. The reality I created is my defense mechanism at work. The brain is a remarkable 6 lbs. of grey matter. When you see a person faint what is the first thing people do? They sit them up in a chair and give them a cold rag. That is not what the body is trying to do. The reason one faints is because of a lack of oxygen in the brain. The brain tells the body to fall down, thereby, making it easier for the heart to pump blood to the brain. It does not have to pump against gravity. So, if you ever witness someone fainting, lie them down and elevate their feet. You may impress the chicks.
  Back to reality. Which one? Well, it is in the daytime so my reality is writing about my alternate reality. I know the title of this post is 'false reality' but we have learned there is no such thing. Remember, whether or not it is observable or comprehensible? That is reality. Tonight, I will have a completely different reality. We will see how it turns out.    theblogmeister

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