Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Chronological Disorder

  The title says it all. I have no earthly idea where I am in reference to the story of my life. It is because my life has been lived as if I were an escaped mental patient from an institution filled with mental patients. When I get on some kind of even keel I am sideswiped by the wake of a ghost ship. I watch those ghostly encounters shows on TV and wonder how those people cope with living with an entity of unknown origin. I know where my Demon came from, I know his name, what he looks like, and what he wants. He seems as if he can cross realities with ease. I can smell Him, I can see Him. I can hear Him. The one thing that has eluded me is being able to touch Him. Shit, he probably knows that if I could get my hands on Him I would rip his ass apart. Every night it is the same. I take my meds and then I wait for them to take affect wondering if I will meet up with Him later. He lives in my mind but I think He is able to somehow morph into the physical, hiding behind the psychological part of my mind. What I mean by that is He is able to make me do things while I am asleep. I believe that sleep is when the brain is changed physialogically. I do not mean that anatomically the brain changes but dreaming gives the brain access to the physical. I am not a psychic, a soothsayer, a hypnotist, a palm reader, or any of that crap that people use to manipulate others into doing things they normally would not do. I do know this; there is a force inside me that is at war with normalcy. This force has power to invade my thoughts only, I repeat, only when I am psychologically vulnerable. Asleep. To be physically vulnerable is to have a blindfold on trying to walk across a busy intersection. Psychological vulnerability happens while the brain is at its weakest. When it is not responsible for constant decision making. While one sleeps the body rests but the brain does not. It is incapable of complete rest. Well, it is but dangerous. It is called comatose. In this state the brain is responsible for just a few actions. Making sure the heart is beating and the lungs are exchanging gases. This is when it is the most at risk. Psychologically speaking. So, when my body is at rest my mind is trying to figure out ways to make sure I never forget the actions of November, 1978. Do I invite these actions? When I lay down at night I ask God to take away any evil that may be lurking. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does not work. Will I ever give Up? As long as there is a breath in my body and blood flowing through my veins I will fight this Demon and will never, ever, give up.   theblogmeister

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