Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Obsessed With Death?

  It seems as you read my blog that I have a morbid fascination with death. To the contrary, my fascination is what happens after death. Causing the death of a patient when I was in my teens have given me this curiosity of the reasons one would choose death and the results of death. I was deeply affected by the way my patient, Colonel DeBarge, manipulated me into ending his life. He convinced me that it was the noble thing to do. I did not grant him his wishes without many sleepless nights and deep concerns of my own spirituality. The Bible states thou shall not kill. I had a real hard time rationalizing committing the act that went against my beliefs. You have to understand that I was up against a brilliant mind and one that had all the answers why it should be done. As a teen, I had not the capacity to compete with him on an intellectual basis. I had grown to love the Colonel and his wife, Bunny. When the colonel had finally convinced me that ending his pain was the right thing to do is when the problems of my emotional stability came to light. If you are an avid reader of my blog then you know what hell I went through. It has changed me in many ways. If you are not familiar with my situation you need to go back to see what I am about. I am not a whacko but sometimes feel that I am. You need to judge for yourself. My situation is an ongoing problem and I find that writing about these problems has helped me more than anything else that I have tried. The journey is not over. There are many things left for me to do. I do it with an open mind and with the understanding that we are just small parts of a much larger machine. I will never give up hope. Thanks    theblogmeister

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