Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Aftermath

  The phone was ringing when I walked into my apartment. It was the hospital asking if I would come back to the hospital. They would not tell me why, I already knew. I am sure the staff was worried about me , that is the reason that there was no mention of the colonel's death. I got into my car, sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out if I could go back there without tipping anyone off. I did not want to bring suspicion upon myself. I drove slowly back to the hospital going over the last couple hours in my mind. I began doubting that I had done the right thing. How could I let a terminal cancer patient talk me into killing him. I don't care how you spin it, it still boils down to one simple fact; I had committed murder. All of my dreams since childhood had been thrown out the window. For what? Boy, I really fucked up, this time.
  As soon as I stepped off the elevator I could feel it. Death was all around. I started walking toward the colonel's room, not even stopping at the nurses station. I could feel their gaze upon me. I could hear the soft sounds of several crying. I looked up and saw Bunny and she almost ran into my arms. We both cried and held each other. To know the reason of her pain was my fault and it was almost too much to bear. She broke our embrace and looked me straight in the eyes and said, "He loved you like a son and so do I." I could not speak. My knees buckled and some staff were there to catch me. All I could do was cry. It was the most I have cried until the death of my mother in 2008. I was helped to a chair and Bunny was sitting right there beside me. The next statement caught me completely off guard. "I just want to say thanks. Thanks for all you have done. There is no one else that would have the courage that you have shown." That blew me away. Did the colonel tell Bunny of my plan? I was so confused I did not respond. Bunny opened my hand and placed an envelope in it, kissed me on the chick, and said that she would see me, soon.
  I do not remember how long I sat in that chair. I was in a total daze. Nancy had came back to the hospital, too. I heard her voice from what seemed a long way off. She was asking me if I wanted to go to her place. She did not think I should be left alone. Any other time I would have jumped at the offer. This time was different. I told her that I would be alright. I had the next 4 days off and I was going home. She made sure I was alright and then left. The staff came by, one by one, and hugged my neck and said how sorry they were about what had happened. Time would heal the pain. Little did they know that time would almost kill me. The only person that did not speak to me was Col. Potter, the very one that refused to reassign me to another patient. I often wondered why she avoided me but I already knew the answer.   theblogmeister

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