Saturday, October 23, 2010
Time To Move On
It had been a few months since I killed the colonel and it was time to move on, farther. I went to my squadron commander, Major C, and asked for one more favor. I wanted out of the Air Force, honorably.He said to give him some time. While I was working on the MCU I had just about everybody that worked on the unit I used to work come by and see me. They could not believe I was throwing away so much talent. Several tried to talk me out of staying on the MCU and returning to the unit. They would tell me of times they had lost a patient and that I would get over it. We can't save them all, they would tell me. I have to say, I worked with a lot of great people on 2-east. They really cared about what I was going through. If they knew the truth I wonder what they would think of me, then. I really missed being a part of them, too. I could not go back near that room where I finished off the life of a human being. Hell, I didn't even hunt. I hated the thought of killing an animal. Now look at what I have become. The colonel was not an animal. He was a gentle, smart, witty, loving human being. I ended all that for him. Will I get a thank you if I ever see him in another world? No. I'll tell you what he will give me. A life of fear and self-loathing that only increased my appetite for the drugs. A life that almost killed me and one that made me question the existence of God. A life, for all practical purposes was not worth living.